Dollar Store Movie Marathon (part two of 23′)

Dollar Store Movie Marathon
(The second entry of 23′)

The sky has opened, and snow continues to fall (even in locations not used to such atmospheric behaviors) while prices continue rise. Dollar stores are gleefully extracting more from my wallet while I continue to explore their celluloid offerings and the all-elusive quandary, an answer to the question; are Dollar Store Movies worth merely that (close to a single dollar) or do they demand more attention and exploration?
Introducing this entries subjects…

Justice League – The Flashpoint Paradox (2013)
Animated Feature
Writers – James Krieg, Geoff Johns based on a graphic novel by Andy Kubert
Director – Jay Oliva
Runtime – 82 minute
In an alternate universe and/or timeline Barman isn’t who we know him as, and no has few qualms in killing criminals. Aquaman and Wonder Women are at war and The Flash is confused. What has happened, why has he been transported to another universe/timeline and how? Other questions naggingly persist; such as why is Aquaman evil, and why does it appear as if Roids are part of his daily diet? Just what is Vics (Cyborgs) association with the President and why is Grifter part of the DC universe, isn’t he a Wildcat from Image Comics?
Regardless, of the queries, this one is a bloody tale. Amazonians get tossed around like ragdolls and superhero’s are slaughtered willy-nilly as if they’re going outta style. Batman uses guns, and Aquaman is jacked (I think I mentioned that already). A slew of familiar voices add depth to recognizable friends and foes, the action is fast, furious, a damn sight bloodier than one might expect, there’s a few reinventive spins on ‘origin stories’, and then there’s enough dark humor to bring a smirk to even Grumpy Bears visage (yes, I referenced The Care Bears!)

In short, if you like the JLA (or simply The ‘Justice League’, is this a new moniker, has it changed since I was a lad?) or even if you can’t stand them, this will serve to entertain, largely based on the wide tableau of abnormally-powered form meeting their demise, where normally this would be unheard of. I’m not normally a fan of either the DC or even the Marvel animated universes, although admittedly it was a much different story before I became introduced to bills, raising children and adult responsibilities, but I’m admit this kept me entertained. Give it a shot, although it boasts typical grade animation (which isn’t that bad, depending upon how much of an art snob you are) you might like it too.
8.5
Only one question remains; when are the powers that be going to animate the “Zombie” storylines (is this Marvel, DC, or both?) As I’m rather eager.

Trailer courtesy of IGN

Overdrive (2017)
France/Belgium/UK/USA
Writers – Michael Brandt & Derek Haas
Director – Antonio Negret
Runtime – 94 minutes
Painfully pretty people, exotic locales, expensive cars and plentiful excuses not to get a real job. But it doesn’t end there, Overdrive showcases the maturing acting talents of a certain Eastwood offspring, with an undeniably recognizable resemblance at that. Other cast members add a cheekiness, a lightness to the quite serious nature of luxury priced automobile larceny at hand. Think Fast n the Furious minus the multi million $ cast. This runs along undeniably similar tracks. And much like the aforementioned the multitude of stunts throughout (this feature) are suitably impressive.
Anyone who misses the ..”and this is officer Croissant.” line is sleeping, the film is laden with nods to a variety of features and delights throughout with a smorgasbord of double crosses, snappy one-liners and intrigue, but let’s not forget the European Woody Harrelson doppelganger. Sure this isn’t The Italian Job, or Oceans 11 (12, 13 and/or whatever comes next) but it does bear an undeniable appeal, sports octane pace and is easy enough to follow as not to deter any from varied on-screen antics. All in all a delightful waste of 94 minutes with enough delicious flesh and sculptured metal purring engines on display to distract from the world’s woes. And isn’t that what its all about?
8

Trailer courtesy of Paramount Movies

Jungle (2017)
Australia/UK
Writer – Justin Monjo based on the (real life experience and) book by Yossi Ghinsberg
Director – Greg McLean
Runtime – 115 minutes
I’m on a Daniel Radcliffe kick at present (Weird being my last dip) and this is likely a feature most will pass up in favor of one of the many entries in the H. Potter series, based on, I can only imagine, it being based on a true story and not sporting a huge Hollywood budget.
The film finds Yossi as part of an adventurous collective who traverse the jungle in hopes to find a ‘lost tribe’. As one might imagine things turn sideways quickly, though not before the films characters are effectively ‘given flesh’ and a rapport is built, to include the audience.
Before I continue I must state that typically this type of film (harrowing true life recollections/stories) isn’t my ‘cup of tea’. Jungle however held my attention throughout for admittedly a myriad of reasons. The characters are believable, the dialogue is relatable, and the situations coupled with the actors reactions and the brilliant score serve to pull the viewer in, effectively placing them in the same scenario with senses tightened to snapping capacities. The direction here is commendable with attention to detail, including idyllic shots of (and total immersion within) an environment which is both beautiful and brutal, an untamed landscape controlled not by schedules and timeclocks, highways and regulations but rather by the whims, apathy, and fickle moods of nature.
Familiar faces include Karl (portrayed by Thomas Kretschmann who also features in [Peter Jackson’s] King Kong and Dragged Across Concrete) and Kevin (played by Alex Russell from The Host and Unbroken).
Standout performances are found throughout with Daniel Radcliffe leading the charge (and adding to his already impressive filmography) with a role which finds him subject to (and mastering) a stunning range of emotion; elation through abject frustration, joy through defeat and bewonderment through determination.

As a true story enactment (based on the experiences of Yossi Ghinsburg and recalled in his international best selling book) goes this ticks all the boxes, delivers the excitement, lays out a cohesive story to elicit second thoughts in adventurous types and incites intrigue, as well introducing the wonders of the green inferno (sorry, couldn’t resist) to those who scope typically exists solely within the confines of  a handheld glowing screen.
A status report (on the real life characters upon which this film is based) follows the end credits for all those who require dangling loose ends tied up, and even offers a ‘where are they now’ update to embellish upon the fact that this isn’t fiction, but rather an account of what is possible when one decides to follow the heart instead of the gut.
In short, this is an excellent, thoroughly entertaining, celluloid affair which showcases that Mr. Radcliffe’s career goes far beyond the fantastical realms of Dumbledore.
9

trailer courtesy of Zero Media

The Pale Door (2020)
USA
Writers – Aaron B. Koontz, Cameron Burns and Keith Lansdale
Director – Aaron B. Koontz
Runtime – 97 minutes
“…to be frank I expected a little more gold and a little less girl.”
This about explains the predicament the Dalton gang find themselves within following a train heist. For some reason Pearl is shackled within a box, rather than a small fortune. And it only gets more bizarre from there as the gang find themselves scrambling to stay alive when a brothel in the middle of nowhere actually turns out to be the residence of a coven with the witches within hungry for fresh ingredients to maintain their youthful looks and immortality.
The film impresses from the opening credits (which boasts a fantastic soundtrack and intriguing animated touches) and although it sports a fair amount of cheese and cliche elements it still provides enough to keep the viewer happy until its finale. The acting displayed varies from passable to commendable with a few recognizable faces in the mix to have one scrambling through a litany of B movie titles for names and past performances. The films storyline flows well though isn’t wholly original as it roughly conforms to the parameters of (the original) From Dusk to Dawn film albeit with Vampires replaced by witches. The budget obviously isn’t the same as the aforementioned, but the crew here have done well with what’s readily at hand offering believable sets, period costume and an assortment of impressive practical FX. Other factors which keep the viewers attention include a fast pace oftentimes bringing to mind cult affairs including The Evil Dead and Witching and Bitching (a Spanish celluloid entry from the director of Day of the Beast and The Last Circus), relateble characters and the inclusion of all the elements which any B movie worth its salt should have, namely; blood, brawn, boobs and bullets.
In short, although this film displays low budget vibes it still serves to impress and offers a surprisingly swift pace and directorial finesse which is effortlessly enjoyable.
7.5

Trailer courtesy of NextLevel Movie Trailers

Max Bishop (2021)
USA
Writer/Director – Jack Beranek
Runtime – 85 minutes
Max (played by Chris Charais) is a ‘gun for hire’ who has recently blundered a hit. On account of his ineptitude he finds himself wading through the ‘searching for a job’ arena. Landing on his feet, he finds himself in the position of janitor at a local middle school where his predicament quickly develops into on far removed from the world of mops, buckets, bleach and plastic gloves.
Admittedly, the synopsis and the films cover lend this a Indy slant. And one would be correct in assuming such. This isn’t a large budgeted affair, it isn’t an actioneer, neither is it a thriller, or in any way attached to the horror genre. It is however a darkly satirical tale centered around an individual who chooses to remove others from society, given the right incentive, the lifestyle of such a person and the inherent troubles associated in dealing with others within the same nefarious circle (rules, standards and such) and in constant close proximity to (the unpredictable nature of) children.
Max Bishop (the film) rolls at a leisurely pace and displays most of the trappings one might expect, bearing in mind the budget (a handful of locations, a small cast and a storyline heavy in drama rather than action). As opposed to many of its brethren nestled within similar constraints “Max” boasts a certain appeal. Chris (Charais) does a great job in sporting an aura which is oddly relatable and whose actions continue to illicit intrigue, as his patience is tested to bursting, and his predicament only becomes strangely more mired in entanglement. Passages of dialogue entice a smirk to alight upon the viewers face as a multitude of everyday (miniature) obstacles are strategically traversed; including, but not limited to, phone tree robotic answering systems, the fickle nature of ten year old girls, and bartering a “hit”. Ok, perhaps not so much the last one.
In closing, Max has, it must be stared, a few issues, and it might not stand up to a viewing from an audience who aren’t altogether familiar with Indie affairs. However, it displays definite strengths which given time are sure to flourish and a solid foundation on which to construct an impressive filmography.
5

Traile rcourtesy of Film Threat

Plucked From the Obscure Depths of Tubi

Legendary aka Tomb of the Dragon (2013)
UK/China
Writer – Andy Briggs
Director – Eric Styles
Runtime – 92 minutes
Ok, I’m on a Lundgren/Adkins kick.
Is it that obvious?
This one has more an adventurer/explorer vibe rather than a martial arts affair but it’s mindless fun for the most part. There’s blatant unapologetic CGI on display, large Clash of the Titans esque creatures running across the screen frequently, and fun, slightly tongue-in-cheek scenarios/dialogue. Lundgren and Adkins are at each others throats, albeit in more a legal, than multiple kicks to the noggin, way.
The scrambling away from the creature action is plentiful, Legendary stands proud as a feature with zero mystery surrounding the actual unknown “quantity”.
Corny for sure, the film undeniably deserves a place upon the SyFy roster and boasts both a commendable budget and production values. It bears a quite watchable vibe, quality performances and enjoyable ‘pairings’. In actuality, Legendary doesn’t take itself too seriously, though not quite to the point where it could be likened to a Mel Brooks affair.
This really isn’t quite as horrid as the IMDB ratings would have one believe especially for those wishing for mindless, admittedly predictable, entertainment rather than an Oscar worthy cinematic experience. This film has its pros and cons (for those looking for such) though mostly serves as an addition to the depth of Adkin’s filmography, a sizable list (at this point) which includes films within which he fights, and others in which he prefers not to (this being one such entry).
8

Trailer courtesy of FilmIsNow Movie Trailers

And that brings another DSM piece to an end.
No real definitive conclusion as to the above asked question here, but endeavoring to find an answer is always entertaining.
Your Slave to celluloid in many guises,
Cult

Scorching the Retinas – The Intergalactic Adventures of Max Cloud

Scorching the Retinas; Scott Adkins, Easter Eggs, Side-Scroller Shenanigans and an Intergalactic Prison Planet

Welcome back to another entry in the Scorching the Retinas stable. In this installment I’ll be parking the eyes upon an outing from the United Kingdom featuring Scott Adkins; a star who is fast becoming one of my favorites. In this instance however he stars in a role which seems a little out of his usual wheelhouse. A feature which, according to its art, boasts retro elements, sci-fi themes and perhaps more than a dash of arcade game tomfoolery (whatever that might in fact actually mean).

May I present a few thoughts upon

(The Intergalactic Adventures of)

Max Cloud (2019)

Writer – Sally Collett, Martin Owen

Director – Martin Owen

Genre – Sci-fi/Comedy

Runtime – 89 minutes

So, this whole retro thing is now in full rage. And there’s obviously a number of champions among the pack, in my opinion (which probably varies wildly from everyone else’s) they include Turbokid, PG Goreman and Summer of 84′ but let’s not forget one of features which helped spark this whole cavalcade; a hilarious over the top short by the name of Kung Fury.

_{Trailer courtesy of WellgoUSA}

But enough about all that. How does “Max Cloud” fare?

The film commences by introducing Sarah (Isabelle Allen). She’s a hopelessly addicted gamer and her father is understandably worried. He tries his hardest (barring removing the system from her room and destroying the television) to keep her addiction just out of reach, but to no avail. As he leaves for the weekend she leaps back upon the controls and face first into the landscape which Max Cloud (the game) provides.

_{Can it possibly get any better?}

Quite literally!

Somehow, she has found herself within the game itself.

Enter Cowboy, her friend and fellow gamer (keep in mind this is 1990 and Internet gaming, or cellphones for that matter, aren’t widely utilized things, just yet). He’s surprised that Sarah isn’t home and even more surprised to realize that she’s a character in the game (a “side-scroller” which they both enjoy) itself.

Meanwhile, in the game, Max Cloud (the main character played convincingly wooden by Scott Adkins) has awoken to find his craft partially destroyed, crash landed, on Heinous; a prison planet populated by the very worst criminals the universe has to offer. To make matters Max has discovered that he isn’t alone. The last of the crew (to his knowledge) consists solely of the ship’s chef. Jake (Elliot James Langridge) is largely clueless, having only known the interior of the kitchen and the contents of the menu for the duration of the ships journey. He’s no soldier. It isn’t until Sarah possesses him that he begins to step into the role. However, there’s only one problem – Cowboy is in control of Jake (and Sarah in her current predicament) and his skills (and understanding of the games mechanics and layout) pale in comparison to that of his friend.

_{Revengor and Shee}

As the film progresses it introduces its (the games) antagonists. Revengor (a moniker seemingly plucked from the extras cast list of He-Man) resides in a mythical mountainous environment (think Skelator’s lair, aka Castle Greyskull, mixed with the hypnotic imagery seen on Dismembers “Like an Ever Flowing Stream” album art courtesy of legendary inksman Dan Seagrave) alongside his mysterious magic wielding companion Shee (again with the take on the land of Eternia character’s monikers). As a pair they lust after a mysterious glowing artifact (a glowing stone) which resides on Max’s ship and have a legion of goons at their disposal to ensure their quest becomes ultimately fulfilled.

Without lending this review a truckload of spoilers so not as to ruin the overall experience, I’ll refrain from a blow by blow and turn my attentions towards the film’s production and not so much its story.

_{Max Cloud animation reel courtesy of Tax Man}

I’m pleased to report that Max Cloud works in a variety of ways. The switching from live action to a video game environment works well with the pixelated characters and their surroundings blending perfectly with what I remember as a fan of arcade offerings at the time. Details down to static character narration screens and side scrolling landscapes are sublime, and the final showdown is sure to raise goosebumps.

_{“Finish Him”}

The film bears a light tone, a family friendly air if you prefer. Although, with that being said there’s a fair amount of brutality within some of the earlier fight scenes. Scott Adkins, Max, performs martial arts with a overly dramatic style which fans of Double Dragon (and its various copycats) will instantly recognize, while at the same time utilizing a knife with brutal panache, in one instance effectively ‘nailing’ an adversary to the ceiling. The FX are wilding exaggerated, the crimson sprays are glorious, over the top in technicolor CGI fashion, again bringing to mind carnage plucked from a myriad of videogames the majority of parents over the years have vehemently disapproved of. Max’s demeanor is wonderfully alpha, if there is such a thing(?) he’s a ‘top’ in every way – “Don’t fear, Max Cloud is here!”  Jake, however, brings comic relief to the situation, especially when Sarah “steps in”. He offers a direct juxtaposition to Max’s sickening confidence while also (under Cowboys directives) several interactions which leave his companions shaking their heads in confusion. A brilliant touch is a scene in which an adversary has a limited field of activity and vision, an element which should spark wild nostalgia in the vintage gamer demographic.

_{No caption needed, seriously}

Revengor, obviously the films villainous element, is played fantastically by the ever- impressive John Hannah (who also recently featured in an amazing undead themed short entitled “Come and Get it” which should be on everyone’s watch list). His is a character which is playful, yet maniacal, again a play on an Eternia individual, a purple-toned skeleton fellow we all know and love. Although I don’t believe Skelator was known for raving enthusiastically, taking part in aerobic exercises and playing board games.

Max Cloud (the film and the character) benefits from a number of standout characters including a misunderstood father (played by Sam Hazeldine) with a mysterious past, a lone gun-toting bounty hunter type portrayed convincingly by Tommy Flanagan (of Sons of Anarchy and Smokin’ Aces notoriety) and Jake who pulls off confused, clueless and sardonic with an expert monk- like flair.

_{Count to ten, turn around and hit restart}

Playful and not at all to be taken seriously Max Cloud offers a viewing experience which is largely nostalgic, likely to tug at the corners of the mouth and a platform in which parents and young gamers alike can connect without the use of a joystick, a texting ap, Facebook (It’s called “Meta” now, what the-?) or Instagram. It also offers a jumping on point for people to discover the talents of Scott Adkins (I only wish his deviation from the action genre doesn’t veer into Tooth Fairy or Jingle All the Way arenas).

_{“Don’t fear, Max Cloud is here!”}

Barring a few tiny qualms (which most likely vary wildly from other viewers) I highly recommend this, though largely as a spot of well-conceived retro-fueled comic relief.

8 “I have the power” (to recite from memory the majority of the cast of a highly influential fantastical animated series) out of 10

Cult

Scott Adkins can also be found kicking heads and cracking skulls in Accident Man, an upcoming sequel of the aforementioned film, Ip Man 4, Triple Threat, El Gringo, The Expendables 2, the newest installment within the John Wick series (cleverly entitled John Wick; Chapter 4) and a ton more. Can you tell I’m a fan?

Scorching the Retinas – Monsterland

Dissecting Monsterland

Stumbling across this by virtue of its title alone I decided to take the plunge. And with a (somewhat lengthy) tagline like this “Welcome to Monsterland! A terrifying place where savage beasts, carnivorous creatures, and grotesque abominations are the new normal; and the human race is now at the bottom of the food chain.” Who can resist?
Broken into parts this is reminiscent of the VHS feature (are there four now?) and The ABC’s of Death in as far as this also showcases short films, as well it being broken into parts, aka vignettes, with a similar theme running through. Similar films in this manner include Cats Eye, and XX  (which I’ve recently dropped a few words upon). But there’s plenty more out there to discover.
The feature commences with a baseball bat wielding gent awash within a landscape rife with devastation and death. For obvious reason he finds himself within the confines of a cinema. It’s deathly quiet inside. Death in all of its many forms surrounds him as he makes his way into an auditorium, arms laden with delectable treats, though he still appears comfortable as the screen lights up… to present;

_{Damn…This water is coolllddd-!}

Don’t Go Into The Lake
(Written by Tyler Wood & Haley Norman. Directed by Corey Norman)
A collective of friends take it upon themselves to go skinny dipping. This is an everyday event…right? Shenanigans ensue, a little tomfoolery, but there’s something else. Something in the water other than foolish teens. Dark humor, buddy vibes, scream queen antics and plenty of samurai sprayed crimson open this collection in typical OTT “Don’t play around in the Woods” style. I for one could done with an ending of sorts, this was a little short and ended abruptly (as if something is missing?)  but it worked well as an opener.
6

_{Excuse me Sir. You seem to have a little something?}

The Grey Matter
(Written by Peter McCoubrey. Directed by Luke & Peter McCoubrey)
Admirers of Bad Taste (well, an element of it) will love this. A man awakens with head injuries in the middle of the street. Odd instances begin to occur, flashbacks of events which haven’t happened yet and a sudden inexplicable confidence. And… Blackouts. Something is definitely amiss. Not to mention a talking parasite, by name of Brian, with an appetite and sage dating advice.
Quirky, well-directed with great actors/acting and relatable humor. This leaves a mark without resulting to grisliness, although that hole in the head is especially well done, though definitely hints at something lurking, another state of ‘being’ without out and out admitting it.
8

_{You were expecting a cat. Right?}

Curiosity Kills
(Written by Kaspar Ainelo, Jan Andresson & Sander Maran. Directed by Sander Maran)
Basted in an aura which screams retro Octoberfest mixed with something wholly undescribable yet wickedly satisfying this delivers without the performers even saying a word. A fascination with baked beans, unfortunate animal antics, deliciously unpredictable choreography and a soundtrack laden with carnivalesque quirkiness lend this a “the creators have definite obvious influences” factor. And it works. Easily one of my favorite shorts in recent memory.
9.5

Hag
(Written/Directed by Eric Gardner)
A married couple encounters difficulty. The wife suffers from nightmares and sleepwalking.  One thing leads to another (you know how it goes…?) A weathered old hag visits (hovering above the bed) and the therapists insists its completely normal, REM sleep and all that jazz. Things progress, and most everything appears as if normalcy might be reappearing. Nope.
This short is drenched in atmosphere, wickedly dark old world mythology and the feeling that things like this could happen to anybody. Fantastic acting and directing give  thus an edge. A straight short, sans humor, that actually leaves an impression. Megan Duffy (as the wife) steals the show
8.5

Monster Man
(Written/Directed/Animated by Frank Sudol)
Crank Yankers sensibilities meets Where the Wild Things Are animation to deliver a short which the juveniles among us are sure to enjoy. It’s silly, claret soaked and the animation isn’t that all that great but I loved every second. Fun Fact, the same person is responsible for City of Rott, 2006, (which now has a virtual universe built around it) in which the same surly walker wielding geriatric battles the undead in much the same fashion.
8

_{Now. where was I?}

House Call
(Written by Dick Grunert. Directed by Graham Denman)
A recently divorced dentist is visited in the late evening by a man who requires his assistance. It’s an emergency.
The visitor believes he’s been infected with a virus. Not Covid, but Vampirism. Between his speculation (and mild amusement) the dentist pulls the man’s cuspids. A grisly tableau with excellent unflinching FX.
“This (the gun) is my proof of insurance!”.
With statements on the current state of the medical field and nods to elements which most of us take as gospel and a stunning performance from the dentist (Ruben Pla) this is a powerful short marred only by a little silliness following the ‘payoff’. Exquisite directing, camera work and a powerful tension-building soundtrack add to the enjoyment. I can see huge things in this creative teams future.
8.5

_{Cupcakes, Chinese Dragons, sparkles, glitter and an overabundance of WTF}

Happy Memories
(Written/Directed by Jack Fields)
Thus hits like a freight train consisting of Gummi bears and marshmellows with the driver made entirely of acid tabs. But seriously, this is like watching a kids show comprised of puppets running amok in an Anne Frank factory if said factory was run by religious zealots whose teachings were based upon ancient texts scribbled by Hunter S Thompson collaborating with William S Burroughs on a complete bender.
There could be a library of texts written upon this entry so I’ll save you all and stop my musing here. Here.
I lied. To say this is entertaining is quite the understatement, it is that although about as confusing as a talking animal pontificating upon all the recipes it could be a part of (thanks to Douglas Adams for that inspiration).
7

_{Boy, are they sore today}

Stay At Home Dad
(Written by Cody Goodfellow. Directed by John Skipp & Andrew Kasch)
“Men are born with nipples” and “Pussy! This doesn’t hurt as much as giving birth” about sum this up.
When an experimental male nursing study becomes part of a couples life following child birth Steven chooses to stay home with the baby. Fun fact – the study came with a set of breasts and Steven gets to sport them as well everything that’s associated with, including pumping, unwarranted attention and an overload of emotions.
But it doesn’t end here. With an added twist and a home invasion gone horribly wrong this is a short deserved of placement of any collection. Fantastic acting, FX, direction and an exquisite dream sequence make this an entry to make anyone think twice about experimental procedures and upon the duties of a stay home new mother as anything but easy.
9

_{Not the typical swimsuit model workout routine}

Hellyfish
(Written by Kate Fitzpatrick & Patrick Longstreth. Directed by Robert Mclean & Patrick Longstreth)

An Iranian scientist and a Russian spy are deep in the Georgian swamps in search of an unexploded H bomb to bring about death and destruction upon the unsuspecting US. This doesn’t last long as the swamps hold surprises beneath their waters. Cut to a nearby beach with an unexplained abundance of jellyfish in attendance.
Just what is going on? Well people are acting like it’s nothing out of ordinary. Until it is.
Giant jellyfish, lots of little ones and oodles of CGI. This is a fantastic way to end the feature. But again with the abrupt ending. Seriously, some of need completion, not necessarily answers (because not everything in life comes with a satisfactory explanation) but completion of some kind would be nice.
Needless to say this bears a quality to delight both B movie connoisseurs and creature feature addicts with no qualms. 9

_{Am I now in vivid Slimo-vision?}

But wait. Its not over yet. What about out intrepid movie going friend? His situation has been touched upon in between a few shorts. For example before the Happy Memories he happened to beat a tentacled monster, in the projection booth, to pulp which led to him ingesting slime (quite the combo; popcorn and slime) and quite the visual journey on account of its hallucinogenic properties. Following Hellyfish we revisit his predicament. The movie is over. He’s about to reconsider his options when slime falls to dirty his shoulder. He ups and leaves in a panic and happens upon a ferocious creature with an appetite heading in his direction.
Featuring claymation, an array of creatures, admirable FX, dark humor and buckets of blood this wraparound serves well to stitch together the varied shorts and makes for an entertaining way to close up this release.
Monsterland (the wraparound segment) was written and directed by John Skipp and Andrew Kasch and featured Josh LaCasse. 9

_{I seriously cannot say enough great things about this short}

Apparently those responsible for  Zombieworld (the first of which contain Fist of Jesus and Brutal Relax both amazing must see slices of Spanish genre cinema courtesy of David Mūnoz and Adrián Cardona) are also to blame for this, and a cursory glance at the WWW tells of a second, more recent, entry within both. As a whole (naturally some shorts pleased me more than others) this entertained my penchants for action, inventiveness, gore, humor and atmosphere and displayed remarkable directing as well standout acting. In conclusion, I’d gladly recommend this to anyone who prefers horror laden with humor and has a soft spot for Indy produced over huge budgeted safe Hollywood affairs. There are a great many efforts within this same arena and I’d hasten to state that this is one of the better examples. Here’s to seeking out and exploring all the talent within part the second.

Cult

Dollar Store Movie Marathon; Yet Another

And… it’s Time for yet another Dollar Movie Marathon

Yes. It’s that time again! Now is a great a time as anybody explore the wonderfully diverse world of films which have somehow made their way to the shelves of the local Dollar Store. What say we strap on our climbing gear, step into our galoshes and break out the plastic sheeting (this might get messy).

Vanquisher – aka Final Target (2009)

Thailand

Action/Martial Arts

Writer/Director – Manop Udomdej

Runtime – 93 minutes

SUBS (which aren’t well timed in the slightest) or bad dubbing? Dubbing which is often hilariously out of sync and translated slightly screwy. It’s your choice, either way there is plenty of reinforced/over the top cardboard acting on display the likes of which Bruno Mattei would be proud. Early scenes hint at horrid choreography and even worse directing. The hint is spot on. The dialogue is wooden, laughable even, the story flows about as well as a dry river, and only mere minutes in one gets the idea this is one of those features which would fit excellently into drinking game arenas but only if the beverages are plentiful and company in attendance are prepared to praise the porcelain God until the night wears on into twilight realms. Alternatively, the folks at Mystery Science Theater 3000 (MST) could work their magic and make this infinitely more interesting. Ninjas (admittedly some of the worst ever put to film), scantily clad babes duking it out with swords, clandestine rendezvous and horrific dubbing this has all the ingredients one would expect in a fantastic martial arts film, which unfortunately this is not.

Trailer courtesy of SahaMongkolMedia

This will make you laugh and keep you entertained. But not for the reasons it was intended. Did I mention that a few of these ladies have magnificent eyebrows? I can’t help but drop a few extra points for that, seriously. I’m in awe.

Fun fact; one of the main characters is named Gunja, which also the name of a diverse German metal act from the 90’s (add an ‘h’) who are a damn sight more interesting than this feature, if I’m to be bluntly honest. I tried. I really tried to like this, but I just couldn’t force it.

3

Toybox (2018)

USA

Horror/Thriller

Writers – Jeff Denton, Jeff Miller, Brian Nagel, Tom Nagel

Director- Tom Nagel

Runtime – 95 minutes

There’s not many of these types of films out there. Sure, there’s Spielberg’s “Duel”, King’s “Christine”, “Creepvan” and perhaps many others I’ve yet to encounter but this is the first I’ve happened upon a haunted RV feature.

Trailer courtesy of MoviemaniacsDE

The premise seems silly. However, surprisingly enough it holds the attention. Well-executed tension, ferociously menacing atmosphere, a pulse-pounding soundtrack, commendable directing and stellar performances as well a story which on all accounts shouldn’t work, but does, result in a feature which is both creepy and somewhat classy in its overall aura. This is a slab of genre cinema to keep the senses peeled for. It even has a few faces in it one might recognize (the wife likes to remind me to add that bit).

8.5

Legend of the Tsunami Warrior aka Pirates of Langkasuka (2008)

Thailand

Action/Adventure/Martial Arts/Fantasy

Writer – Vin Leawwarin

Director – Nonzee Nimibutr

Runtime – 120 minutes

Epic themes run amok in this feature which showcases a small wealthy empire under attack from a myriad of direction. Stunning costumes and locations aid in the features allure with intrigue, adventure and various plot twists leading the charge. Surprisingly, scenes of choreography are top notch and plentiful to please those who demand such in their viewing experience. An added addition of the manipulation of ancient mystical forces and the utilization of sea beasts elevates traditional costumed conflict into elevated heights making for a viewing experience which climaxes in stellar creative realms to topple stale Hollywood celluloid from its lofty perch.

Trailer courtesy of SahaMongkolMedia

8

The Neon Demon (2016)

USA, Belgium, Denmark, France

Thriller/Horror

Writers – Mary Laws. Polly Stenham, Nicolas Winding Refn

Director- Nicolas Winding Refn

Runtime – 118 minutes

A fresh face breaks into the LA modeling scene. Fresh, naive and eager. But something lurks beneath the surface. Beauty and the quest for absolute perfection is tiring, exhaustive, and with it comes the cracking, the dissolving of the veil of sanity, an obsession which is all- consuming and comes at a price.

Surreal, often dreamlike though intense TND (an obvious abr.) is akin to a fairytale exploring the dirt (though imagined or not) behind the curtain of the beauty industry. Rage, jealousy and brutal competition captured in a blazing quality brimming with style, class with haunting and harrowing elements and a chilling ominous menace which lurks, ready to pounce, behind a thin gossamer veil.

Trailer courtesy of KinoCheck International

Certainly not for everyone, this is far from traditional bordering on expensive European perfume commercials and fairytale art realms at times. Nevertheless, absolutely spell-binding cinema, with an exquisite soundtrack. A feature which is guaranteed to spark debate based on the dialogue those within the industry (within this film) promote. Put this in a double bill with Perfume for an evening full of top-notch depraved yet classy celluloid.

9

War of the World’s 2; The Next Wave (2008)

USA

Sci-fi/Fantasy

Writer – Steve Bevilacqua, Eric Forsberg, David Michael Latt

Director – C. Thomas Howell

Runtime – 87 minutes

Imagine receiving a van of Ravioli for your birthday. Well, this is what the world has become. CGI monsters, broken radio broadcasts and scattered human survivors. All encapsulated in a film directed by and starring, C. Thomas Howell and brought to the masses by the studio responsible for the Sharknado franchise. A little wordy, a horrid Southern accent and the typical cardboard acting and the suspension of belief one would need and expect based on the budget. However, for a B movie this isn’t utterly horrid. The CGI and monster effects are the stars of the show. I’m only left pondering whether there’s a part 3 in the series (and if there is when it might air on SyFy).

Trailer courtesy of The Asylum

Keep the eyes open for a brief famous magician cameo and the ears open for the “I hope you choke on my shit” quote and subsequent beating to death of it as a soundbite in a myriad of extreme audio genres. Whoops, nearly forgot that one of the main characters is the hilarious individual from “Kids n Play”. Does anyone remember the “House Party” movies from the 90’s?

4

Kill or be Killed (2015)

USA

Western

Written and Directed by Duane Graves and Justin Meeks

Runtime- 104 minutes

A modern Western, shot in Texas? Whatever next? Well, I’m glad to report this is entertaining. Ingenious though nodding ferociously to Spaghetti Western (scenarios and soundtrack wise) standouts and chock full of dark humor.

Trailer courtesy of RLJE Films

Whoops, nearly forgot the brutality. It’s rare a film of this ilk supplies such. And then there’s Michael (The Hills Have Eyes) Berryman. This film is quite the entry in the genre; just try erasing the ending and credits track from your memory.

9

Ambition (2019)

USA

Thriller

Writers – John Rocco and Jenna Lyn Wright

Director – Robert Shaye

Runtime – 88 minutes

Strange happenings in the pursuit of perfection. Add obsession, college antics and finals and you have all the makings for a film bursting at the seams with tension. An epic classical soundtrack certainly adds to the on-screen aura and the films epic ‘cat and mouse’ sequence. A final twist is one several might have seen coming but probably not the contents of the bag in the passenger seat.

Trailer courtesy of Shout! Factory

A film with definite 80’s sensibilities that’s utterly watchable.

7.5

The Son of Bigfoot (2017)

Belgium. France, USA

Animated/Comedy/Action/Family

Writers – Bob Barlen, Carl Brunker

Directors – Ben Strasser, Jeremy Degrusen

Runtime – 92 minutes

Bigfoot is real. But it’s not who (or what) you might think it is. HairCo have the scoop and they aim to utilize the DNA to provide full heads of hair for those who are in need of such. Apparently, hair is big business and these guys aren’t playing around.

Trailer courtesy of Movieclips Coming Soon

The animation here is incredible, with attention given to detail, with a story and humor level enjoyable for both kids and adults. As with many animated features with the same appeal morals are included though aren’t pounded into the viewer. Characters are both utterly deplorable and likable spouting humorous dialogue within a story which isn’t altogether that far-fetched. For a single dollar an animated feature doesn’t get much better than this! My four-year-old was glued, and that’s what it’s all about! I’ll admit I liked this considerably more than I thought I would.

9.5

El Gringo (2012)

USA

Action/Crime

Writer – Johnathan W. Stokes

Director- Eduardo Rodriguez

Runtime – 99 minutes

A botched drug take-down results in Scott Adkins being stranded in a small Mexican border town. It wouldn’t be altogether horrid apart from the fact that his only companion is a satchel full-on money (and a wild dog). And wouldn’t you know it everyone wants to be introduced to the benefits of being its friend. Corruption, crimson splatter, gunplay, kicking ass and Christian Slater. There’s also a liberal dose of gallows humor to incite smirks on faces who enjoy such.

Trailer courtesy of Movieclips Trailers

For a single dollar, action movies do not get much better than this. An amazing, underrated, waste of close to two hours with delightful extras. I’m of the mind that I need to spend a great deal more time discovering ‘Adkins Action’ cinema and other efforts from the director responsible.

8.5

Shock Wave (2017)

Hong Kong/China

Crime/Thriller

Writers – Erica Li, Herman Yau

Director- Hrman Yau

Runtime – 119 minutes

After a bank heist goes awry, due in the most part to an undercover agent, the surviving members vow to get their revenge on the one person responsible.

Trailer courtesy of Cinedigm

High-octane (explosive even!) action (plenty of it) that’s huge in scope and execution, fantastic acting, emotionally charged scenes, excellently filmed chase sequences and a detailed perspective upon Police procedures make this an interesting watch that entertains throughout. If you’re up for drama, explosions, unpredictability and don’t mind a little SUB action this is a fantastic way to spend close to two hours.

8.5

Feral (2017)

USA

Horror

Writers – Mark Young, Adam Frazier

Director – Mark Young

Runtime – 92 minutes

Six pretty well to do youngsters spend a night in the woods. The rest is rather predictable. Characters one wants to root for are at a minimum (a few are utter privileged C-bags) but the grisliness factor is high and the films composition lends it a surprisingly intriguing edge.”Something tells me he’s not playing My Little Pony.”

Trailer courtesy of Zero Media

A cabin in the woods becomes a main player as well the hermit who resides there. But just what is in the woods and why has Talbot (the hermit) enough horse tranquilizer in the basement to subdue the entirety of a healthy sized cheerleading squad? Questions, questions and ravenous creatures of dubious origin. Add to the ingredients a strong female lead and you have a rather watchable slab of tension filled cinema which rises above all preconceived notions based upon previous experience.

8.5

Die (2010)

Canada/Italy

Crime/Drama/Horror

Writers – Domenico Salvation, Nick Mead

Director – Dominic James

Runtime – 94 minutes

Some features suffer from lack of exposure and a myriad of other elements. Having only seen a few minutes of this I can see the title is mostly to blame.

Tension, familiar actors and a twist on the brutal karma will come your way/you’ll be judged by fate genre. Slightly different than the better-known Saw franchise this boasts intriguing writing and a myriad of characters the viewer wants to know more about and root for. It also sports puzzled law enforcement officials, unnerving situations, ponders discussion and an enigmatic puzzle which begs to be solved.

Trailer courtesy of Marrium6

My thinking is thus; change the title (although it’s clever and makes perfect sense after a view) with a reissue and this will find recognition.

8

Smoking Guns aka A Punters Prayer (2016)

UK

Crime/Dark Humor

Written and Directed by Savvas D Micheal

Runtime – 94 minutes

Obviously heavily influenced by Guy Ritchie’s earlier films this finds a pair of friends at the “Bookies” (betting establishment for those not familiar with Brit lingo). One has a hunch, a long shot accumulator bet, which would net him a small fortune if it somehow came to pass. The first race (horse racing is the order of the day here) results in a win, as the second follows suit those around him perk with intrigue, plots and schemes to lighten his wallet. Even if the trifecta should not come to pass there is money in the offering, a small fortune if truth be told, a distraction to keep the “bookies” afloat.

trailer courtesy of BritFlicks.Com

Showcasing small time crime and the players involved, as well the consequences of stepping out of line, this holds the interest till the very last. Intriguing characters, nefarious scenarios and a snapshot of addiction sparks the interest with a smattering of dark humor that keeps it rapt.

Overall, a familiar package and although slightly ambitious displays writing and directing talent which warrants keeping tabs upon.

7.5

Invasion of the Pod People aka Invasion; The Beginning (2007)

USA

Writers – Ron Magid, Jay Marks, Leigh Scott

Director – Justin Jones

Runtime – 86 minutes

Sci-fi/Horror

With the main star being a large sprig of ginger (in a pot), you can’t really expect much, and you shouldn’t. A bevvy of babes, horrid acting, insane lighting, atrocious audio (even worse dubbing in instances) and an even worse story (did I mention this is an Asylum release?)  But let’s not forget the “There’s Something about Mary” style goop and the doppelganger fight scene. A step removed from ‘soft core’ this entertains, though more in the bad movie trying to be watchable sense.

Trailer courtesy of TheAsylumNet

A hybrid of “They Live” and obviously “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” (how many times has this been rehashed/made?) this, strangely, holds the attention for those with the patience and willingness to allow the lower budget celluloid arena to hold sway over the senses although the reasoning may also be that it plays by ‘soft core’ sensibilities. Will it or won’t it deteriorate into sordid nekkid realms? Only the very brave might want to stick around to find out. And that’s gotta be the most famous sprig of ginger (am I saying it right?) in recent genre memory. I only wonder how many awards it might have been nominated for?

4

And that’s another Dollar Store Movie Marathon piece in the books. And, yet again this really doesn’t answer the “is it worth buying movies at the Dollar Store” question. But it’s fun trying to get to a conclusion either way.

Happy Exploring

Cult

Scorching the Retinas; Movie Marathon

When the wife’s away…

the movies will play.

 Somehow I’ve found myself home alone, with a few days free of work and responsibilities. What better way to spend my time than to catch up on my consumption of celluloid. Seriously I have towering DVD stacks everywhere and screeners collectively screaming for my attention.

Here’s to cramming my eyeballs full of moving images and my face full of unhealthy edibles.

(Note; To keep things interesting I’ve drenched my retinas into cinema plucked from many a genre.)

Onwards…

Day One

The DVD cover

Gunslingers Revenge (1998)

Director – Giovanni Veronesi

Writer – Vincenzo Pardini (based on his novel) adapted by Giovanni Veronesi and Leonardo Pieraccioni

Runtime – 87 minutes

 

Interesting dynamic and a charming narrative by way of a seven year old. Filled with intriguing characters and beautiful scenery the story that covers what most Westerns haven’t.

Reminiscent of foreign cult affairs on account of characters exchanging dialogue where the lips don’t seem to match the words coming out.

The soundtrack lends the feature somewhat of a Disney family-oriented air though the film still has undeniable qualities and elements leaning towards at times the slightly eccentric/odd.

Did I mention David Bowie and Harvey Kietel are among the actors? And that there’s very little blood.

Consider this a pallet cleanser, of sorts.

6.5

 

The DVD cover

The Eyes of my Mother (2016)

Director/Writer – Nicholas Pesce

Runtime – 76 minutes

 

Black and white and often subtitled.

Chilling, stylistic and dark. 

Minimalistic in its approach but powerful and cleverly constructed with a myriad of plot intricacies (nods to an early work by D’Amato) both horrific and shocking to widen the viewers eyes and get the mind reeling. One scene in particular is extremely difficult to watch especially for parents of an infant.

The soundtrack is also barely apparent buy when it makes an appearance it lends a remarkable texture and ominous vibe.

Hardly for everyone, this is a must for those yearning for celluloid dripping in classic values and an undeniable menacing and grotesque tone.

If you liked Audition and Grotesque this is a must watch.

8.5

Alternate versions of the poster art

Animal World (2018)

Director – Yan Han

Writer – Yan Han based on the comic by Nobuyuki Fukumoto

Runtime – 130 minutes

 

Barely five minutes in and my jaw has hit the floor. Thus far this is visually stunning and bears the surreal nature of a video game. Psychosis and hallucinations don’t mix well in the everyday world that much is for certain, even this far in.

The movie soon transforms to show the pitfalls of debt and some of the many ways a diabolical bank might be able to recoup their losses, it also boasts a tech puzzle type atmosphere complete with high stakes, drama, karma, retribution and camaraderie.

Clowns, rock paper and scissors and debt who would’ve thought these would be the ideal ingredients for a film with such transfixing properties. It’s as though the most oddball elements were plucked from a randomizer machine then tossed together for bragging rights upon completion of a finished product.

Fans of The Prestige and Can You See Me Now will eat this up its delightfully different, cavernous and teases a sequel that can’t come soon enough.

8.5

The DVD art

Revenge for Jolly (2012)

Director – Chad Harbold

Writer – Brian Petsos

Runtime – 81 minutes

 

Here’s something a little different; a vengeance movie centered around the murder of Jolly, a dog. Hilarious dialogue and hilarity abounds as two friends, and too many beers to count, set out on a small town quest to find those responsible. Awkwardness and apathy reign supreme within a slow pace that remains oddly intriguing throughout.

I laughed hard at the inept Italian law firm scene and the name Bobby being referred to as Booby, on purpose, for dramatic affect. The “…you just can’t throw ranch” meltdown is priceless. A nod to Reservoir Dogs in unmistakable.

Recommended for fans of off-beat (black) comedy with observational elements in a similar vein to Observe, Report and in times Boondock Saints but with tendencies that lean more towards the macabre.

8

Promo art

The Minds Eye (2015)

Director/Writer – Joe Begos

Runtime – 87 minutes

 

Psychokinesis hasn’t been tackled in too many films, although Firestarter, Carrie and Scanners come immediately to mind. The Minds Eye takes on the prospect and adds Cronenberg esque qualities and synth as a huge part of the soundtrack the quality of which would put a smile on Carpenters face. 

The movie rolls at a quick pace and gives off an initial X-men vibe which soon twists into something else altogether.

Super powers, maniacal aspirations and some serious cat and mouse antics.

Excellent effects add to the fun alongside direction, writing that acting chops that harken back to the heyday of 80’s horror much in a similar style to the exceptional caliber of work that the Astron 6 team continue to produce. 

I highly recommended giving this a peek, it certainly escaped my radar but now that I’ve let it invade my senses I’ll continue to lay praise upon it.

9

The Following Day

Duel (2016)

Director – Kieran Darcy-Smith

Writer – Matt Cook

Runtime – 110 minutes

Well written, atmospheric, excellently composed and seething with an unmistakable ominous tone.

A chilling performance from Woody (Did-you-know-I-was-in-Cheers) Harrelson adds weight to a story that’s part cat-n-mouse, part cult worship and oddly topical given the current political climate we find ourselves in.

A dark, bloody and gritty western with an added element of history and plenty of classic quotes that’s entertaining throughout.

7.5

 

And what a wedding invite this made

Rec 3 – Genesis (2012)

Director – Paco Plaza

Writer – Paco Plaza, David Gallart, Luiso Berdejo, 

Runtime – 80 minutes

 

The homemade caught on video aspect (at a wedding) lends the film huge relateability as the participants are in an everyday setting, not actors on set. The action starts abruptly, panic seizes the gathering and the viewer is left in a dizzying state by way of the unsteady POV. Although this does change the POV aspect still flickers in and out.

A Rage approach rather than the lumbering “She’s coming to get you Barbara” adds tension and naturally… pace.

Humor arises by way of family idiosyncrasies and relationships (not to mention Sponge John, Bob had obvious copyright issues) as well the religious element that some believe is the cause while others have faith in being saved purely because they are in a place of worship and the undead are heathens, heretics or devils who abide by the teachings of the church.

It rains  which is ironic as it’s supposed to be lucky if it rains on your wedding day.

A scorned bride with a chainsaw, a knight in shining armor, a delightful spin on the zombie mythos, clever writing and camera work and great FX gives this the edge it needs to stand out from an overcrowded genre which, much like those within it, refuses to perish.

Better yet “Fuck my grandfather and his stupid fucking hearing aid” is a quote for the ages, priceless in fact. REC 3’s climax is bloody great! In more ways than one making this a feature I will return to again and again.

8.5

The German DVD cover

Fantasy Mission Force aka Dragon Attack (1983)

Director – Yen-Ping Chu (billed as Harry Weng)

Writer – Hsin Wei

Runtime – 85 minutes

An elite team are assembled from across the globe to assist in a tricky hostage situation, apart from that I’m quite honestly lost as the editing herein is far from stupendous (in the truncated version I watched anyway).

Delightfully over the top, slapstick silliness (recalling classic Laural and Hardy and Benny Hill) sporting insane dubbing and choppy nonsensical editing it remains entertaining all the while screaming 80’s Asian cinema.

For a Jackie Chan feature there’s actually very little of him but shit, there’s scenes including traditional Chinese ghosts, Mad Max nods, Shaolin antics, scenes of defined western homage and other assorted tomfoolery to carve a smile on even the most rigid of features.

I’m placing this in the guilty pleasures folder as this film is undeniably a crazy mess, in actuality most of it could double as a Mentos commercial, but I’m lovin’ it nevertheless.

7.5

Blu ray art

Where the Dead go to Die (2012)

Writer/Director – Jimmy Screamerclauz

Runtime – 96 minutes

 

Computer animation that leaves a lot to be desired is anything but family friendly. Divided into chapters the feature is centered around a few children all living on the same block. As it progresses it covers a slew of utterly unsavory subjects. An evil dog, not Mr.Pickles, tempts a youth, and the films other youths, to do his diabolical bidding based on quasi-religious principles.

Tainted Milk is a glorious mind fuck complete with fetus ripping, an emasculation, zoo-aphilia antics and hallucinogenic elements complete with nods to the mind controlling power of religion. 

Liquid Memories is Lovecraftian-esque and revolves around capturing lost memories through brain extraction. Other segment include an amputee vets nightmarish PTSD flashbacks and the physical manifestation of a relapse. 

The resulting predicament of injecting ‘memories’ is horrific and spurns a breakdown that’s incomprehensible in its imagining and intensity making for a segment that’s uncomfortable to view and even more difficult to forget.

The Masks That the Monsters Wear is the most vile segment. It tackles the subjects of stillbirth, acceptance and Siamese twins.

The addition of a redneck child porn ring (this in no way glorifies such) makes this difficult to watch, although the veritable kaleidoscope of hellish images make it nearly impossible to turn the eyes away from.

Disturbing doesn’t even come close to describing what this movies images showcase. Recommended only to those whose penchants lay in the most depraved that cinema has to offer. Although this is an animated feature it still boasts significant presence to screw with the psyche – You have been warned!

I won’t be watching this again anytime soon, although it will still remain in my collection albeit moved to the very tippy top of the shelving unit far from prying eyes and curious little hands.

8

 

That’s about it, I’m exhausted, my eyes need a rest.

Cult