Scorching the Retinas; Tackling the Wrong Turn Franchise (part the third)

Tackling the Wrong Turn Franchise – Wrong Turn 3; Left for Dead

Wrong Turn 3 (USA, Germany, Bulgaria) 2009

Writers – Connor James Delaney, Alan B McElroy

Director – Declan O’Brien

Run Time – 93 minutes

20th Century Fox

Summit Entertainment

Constantin Film

Well, Cults away, So I’ll tackle this (another) entry in the W.T. franchise (is it too early to start abbreviating?). With parts One and Two out of the way what does this, the tertiary entry in the series, offer the viewer? Honestly, one would hope more of the same. Honestly, the franchise’s first two films were fascinating entries in the “learning more about backwoods folks” educational series. What, prey, might we discover in this entry?

Questions, queries, and perplexing notions. It’s a damn sight easier to hit play. What say we do just that?

“Left for Dead” (I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s at least half a dozen bands within the Heavy Metal arena using the same moniker. I just checked. In fact, there’s only one. Well, there was. Someplace in Germany. Before they split in 2016) commences with a handful of friends pissing around in kayaks. Sure, it looks like fun, that is until one of those nasty looking rocks takes a shine to any number of areas which comprise your soft skull.

I digress. However, it must be stated these guys are kitted out for the activities at hand, helmets, life preservers and tight-fitting wet suits. And wouldn’t you know it, a pair of titties are unleashed (that’s more boobs than the first two films combined for those with a notebook at the ready). It isn’t long however until one (boob, that is) catches the fancy of the business end of a sharpened tipped length of wood (not that kind, get the mind outta the gutter). Not even five minutes in and we have exhibitionism, penetration, and wicked FX to boot.

We’re on to a winner here folks!

A few scenes later, more bloodshed, a scene to make an optometrist cry and the real reason why lil’ Johnny has always come last in the yearly county fair hot dog eating contests. “Slow down Johnny. Oh… That’s not gonna fit!”

The viewer has already gotten an intimate panorama view of one of the films heroes (if you clap for these unfortunate looking fellows donning hand me downs, pungent odor, and an appetite for meat so fresh it’s not through begging for its life) and an appreciation for weaponry most decline in favor of shotguns, rifles and, in rare cases, slingshots.

All this without a single mention of a piece of apparatus which is likely to raise spectacular funding if it were to ever be presented in a Shark Tank episode. Silliness and CGI make a dramatic entrance, but not to worry. At this juncture who can take another rich kid, rednecks, and a Cabin in the Woods tale seriously? It’s a paint by numbers story, nevertheless… I’m hooked.

“Did you know we were going to be in a movie? A Wrong Turn entry of all things. Hey… wait a minute!”

Surprisingly, this entry is a little different than the last and even the one before that. The creators decided the inclusion of a prison, a handful of choice inmates, an undercover agent and a rerouted ‘transfer’ would spark the interest some. At this point if you can’t predict how the film is going to proceed, odds are you suffer from a youth spent nose deep in tutorial texts with hopes of attaining a dream career rather than knee deep in jaded celluloid companioned by reading material likely to send the neighborhood pastor in spittle-flying seizures.

Add an abandoned truckload of money to the mix, a dismemberment, opposing gang stereotypes and a head on a spike and the film delivers that which a handful of action movies could only hope to. With a rapid flow rivaling that of something not quite as well versed in the speed department “Left for Dead” doesn’t dwell on character backstories, other than labeling them unfortunate individuals who have picked Hillbilly ‘Slaughterville’ as their getaway destination spot. This is an undeniably Slasher flick , not a tear-jerking drama. And boy. Does it deliver!

But is this the last decent entry in the franchise? (I’m sure we’ll get to answer that question soon enough) How is it the films antagonist can seemingly survive anything (might he (?) be related in some way to Jason, perhaps Michael Myers?) and just how is it that Nate, Tom Frédéric, looks like Ash in certain lighting? (Is this just me?)

Many of these will remain unanswered, undoubtedly there’s a great many more which might crop up as the film progresses. My suggestion, clear the mind, don’t take this literally, enjoy the silliness. Perhaps create a drinking game whereupon one slams a beverage every time El Creepo giggles maniacally, alternatively down a shot every time ‘Sir Nazi’ confronts ‘El Hefe’. There’s plenty here to enjoy regardless of your level of inebriation. This honestly isn’t quite as good as either entry before yet still manages to leave an impression be it through cheesy character interaction, the inventiveness of the kill scenes, the sheer audacity of the film’s villain or the quality and grisliness of the FX.

Is Part Four where it all starts to fall apart? Only time (and a view) will tell, until then, enjoy this. Odds are, it isn’t as bad as you might be “led” to believe.

8.5

B

Bring on parts four, five, six, and the remake. I’m ready for em’ all!

Scorching the Retinas – Tackling the Wrong Turn Franchise.

Scorching the Retinas – Tackling the Wrong Turn Franchise. The Original “Wrong Turn”.

Yes, I hear ya. It’s been a while since I’ve scribbled upon one if the films within this franchise. In fact, the only one I’ve covered (this far) has been the quite excellent part two. However, I made a promise to myself and even made a ‘header’ for the review series. Without further ado what say we dive into the film which spawned a number of sequels (six, at last count) and even, recently, a reboot/respawning/rehashing of sorts.

Wrong Turn (Canada, Germany, USA) 2003

Writer – Alan B McElroy

Director – Rob Schmidt

Run Time – 85 minutes

Summit Entertainment

Constantin Film

Admittedly the whole teens in the woods encountering ‘something’ in the middle of nowhere is not a new premise (and it wasn’t even when this was released).

So, what gives?

Well, seems as this incited another six in the series there must be something going for it, right? I intend to find out.

The guy from Dexter, Desmond Harrington, the one who always tried to thwart Dexter’s extra- curricular activities, is the first character to be introduced. Apparently, he’s in somewhat of a hurry to get to Richmond. So much of a hurry in fact that he chooses to not wait in traffic but rather traverse roads with an unknown destination. Several minutes later a blind corner, distracted fumbling with various CDs and the fascination a dead dear with a gaping asshole evokes results in an abrupt introduction; “Hello Jeep, I’m a classic Mustang. It’s a pleasure to make your acquainta-!”

So, there’s now six individuals and two vehicles in various states of fucked up. What better way than to make a bad situation worse than by a bit of pre-marital sex and a spot of trespassing.

Now we have a movie.

Trailer courtesy of Trailer Chan

Obviously. a film which has suddenly pounced upon rails laid out within the genre many years before the idea if this even came about.

_{But just what is a “Garage sale from Hell”?}

The trespassing leads to an ominous discovery, as one intrepid explorer’s puts it: “The garage sale from hell”. But it gets more intriguing still. The residence has a room full of freezers. And let’s just say they aren’t stocked with Banquet microwave dinners and an array of popsicles in various shapes and sizes.

Cue the entrance of the supposed owners of said residence. The film now transforms into a wicked cat n mouse affair. Darkness falls (as it so often tends to) as it does so the films ominous nature builds, exchanging insurance information is no longer on the agenda but acting like an acrobat to avoid immolation most certainly is.

_{All tied up with a Reboot in the works}

The chase continues, crimson is spilled, and bodies fall. Will Desmond and his friends, chief among them the beauty Eliza Dushku, get to live another day, will this become a tale to ward off potential visitors to the wilds of Virginia (told around firepits between mouthfuls of Chardonnay)? Or will the strangers, in turn, become romantically entangled with the lining of the native’s intestines?

Hey. I’m not here to ruin this experience. I’m present to remark upon its qualities or lack thereof. So, is this any good? Does it warrant a remake? Or even as many sequels as have been produced for that matter.

I’m happy to report that this is most probably that one great backwoods movie you’ve probably never seen (unless, you have).

“Wrong Turn” bears many a great quality, not least among them a sense of direction which derives from experience, knowledge of the genre and undeniable talent. The film flows at a fantastic pace, boasting dark humor, menace and an ominous nature which is often palpable. The story trots along familiar lines, there’s little secret here, though still manages, somehow, to hold the audience enraptured. A sense of predictability comes and goes though is frequently thrust to the far reaches of the critical mind as unrelenting brutality (captured somewhat artistically in most instances) clears the viewers thoughts.

_{Peek a boo. Who asked for the “House Special”?}

Characters are excellently portrayed, both antagonist and protagonist, to the point where emotions and strong feelings (about their ultimate survival) blossoms. And the inevitable happens, as often is the case in stalk/slash affair such as this, making one want to pound on the screen in frustration whilst yelling; “Why? And how is it that you’re so stoopid?”

_{We don’t need SFX where we’re going baby!}

The location is an uncelebrated co-star of the show. The desolation showcased, while also a sense of claustrophobia (on account of all the trees), is chilling, making one ponder upon the many niggling complexities being stranded in a location like this would present. Not to mention (on top of this) that the characters here are being chased/stalked by those familiar with their surroundings. And then there’s the soundtrack; a well-executed companion which aids in the propulsion of suspense, tension, and accelerated blood pressure.

Last, but certainly not least, is the films exquisite utilization of (practical) effects. Classy yet brutal the film spares no expense in this arena offering an audience that which they might have expected yet in a somewhat refined demeanor. Standout scenes are plentiful but the scene in which Carlos eyes dilate as her body plummets (I’m not offering too many spoilers here, I hope?) is truly spectacular and shows a certain ingenuity where even the smallest amount, based on previous viewing habits within the genre, might not have been expected.

_{It’s lunch time!!}

In short, and to get to the point, I’ll take a stab at bringing this to a bloody conclusion (can I cram any more puns in here without being too glaringly-neon obvious?), this film is a damn sight better than I expected. Not surprisingly many tout the second installment as their favorite (I’ve seen it, and I can see why) within the franchise and tend to disregard this. I can honestly relate to part of their opinion. However, thus in no way should be passed off as garbage, it’s far from it in sporting as much ingenuity and creativity within its length. There’s truthfully little to complain about here, in fact it’s easy to comprehend why a part two, three, four (perhaps five and six?) were produced as this has the unmistakable aura of a feature which isn’t going to be forgotten in a hurry.

9

Cult

Scorching the Retinas – Tackling the Wrong Turn Franchise. Wrong Turn 2; Dead End

Scorching the Retinas – Tackling the Wrong Turn Franchise

Wrong Turn 2: Dead End (2007)

Writers – Turi Meyer, Alfredo Septien, Alan B McElroy
Director – Joe Lynch
Runtime – 97 minutes
20th Century Fox, Summit Entertainment, Constantin Film Production

Sure, why not start in the middle rather than at the beginning? Well, I did and here I am. Cult is away again, probably sleeping already. He’s on vacation and he’s stuck with his young un’ at home, and let me tell you, she’s a spirited one. If she ain’t singing “Let it Go” or “Into the Unknown” she’s storming around like a Princess, with an attitude to fit. But getting back on track; I’ve got the reins now with snippets of that Slayer Comp still ragin’ through my ears.
So what say we get started.

(trailer courtesy of Movie Clips Classic Trailers)

“Wrong Turn 2” was made back in 2007 and it doesn’t take long to realize this. Cell phones are flip things, and earpieces are akin to those unsightly slabs of metal worn on “Star Trek” (the early series with good old Shat not the newer ones).

Breast or Thigh? …It doesn’t matter!

Anyhows,  this chick, in the opening scene, is belligerent, screaming at her agent about one thing or another then she plows this poor chap down.  and wouldn’t you know it the poor bugga’ scratched up her Stang. Now rather than being somewhat pissed, who wouldn’t he scratched up the Stang’, she’s unsure, hysterical. However, this doesn’t last long. Some logger type looking chap makes his way outta the woods and cuts her in Twain. Downwards (“Terrifier” style), not across and this movie is off to a great start with perhaps one of the finest kill scenes to open up a movie ever. And my popcorn has suddenly found itself with extra butter (or a liquid which looks strangely close).

End scene. Enter Mr. Black Flag, Henry (motherfkn’) Rollins, and an introduction to a reality game show of sorts with six contestants (five now, or seven. All depending on how one looks at it) and a theme centered around the Apocalypse (at this point we should all be taking notes and making time to rewatch the “Mad Max” franchise). Naturally, all of the contestants are young, nubile, hot to trot and bursting with enthusiasm.
A quick look behind the scenes shows the competition heating up and a producer wearing a “Battle Royal” shirt which is rather fitting (if you haven’t seen it, drop whatcha’ doing and prepare to forget Hollywood’s take on it; which is often referred to as “The Hunger Games” franchise).

Peek a boo!

The games begin, the rules are explained and it’s clear from the get-go who’s present for the money and who for the prestige of competing. Mr. Rollins does a great job of emulating the drill Sergeant from “The Frighteners” and “Full Metal Jacket” (R. Lee Ermey) and there’s another stand out scene in the books. But it ain’t all fun and games. There’s something uninvited in the woods which wants to join in but with rules of it’s own choosing.

“Holy shit, the whole family’s deformed” about describes the way the remainder of the movie goes. Powered by “The Hills Have Eyes” and general Slasher movie mayhem on bathsalts the kills come fast and furious, unflinching, just like Daddy likes them and uncompromising to boot. Seriously folks, this has more guts in its first half than most reputable Cult Cannibal flicks and a shotgun which would put many cannons to shame.

BOOM!

The pace here is remarkable, fluid and feverish throughout, enough to spike anyone’s adrenaline and the characters varied enough to bring forth opinions ranging from instant I don’t care if you perish hatred to I wish you’re the one who survives to repopulate the world adoration. The acting isn’t horrid enough to deter from the story, which is somewhat minimal, but it matters not when the screen is drenched in this much grue.
The finale looms, there’s enough blood and body parts scattered to give Dahmer a boner and the cast is significantly smaller in size, but more widespread,(that’s a pun), than when the movie commenced. But the action remains slick and sticky (nope, this isn’t another filling every available orifice extravaganza flick) two teams face off and…
Well that’s where I’m going to leave my blow-by-blow (enough of the double entendres already) commentary.

This is strange. I can see my spleen.

To cut this short, for it’s about my bedtime, Joe Lynch has far surpassed himself here. A homage to a wide swath of slasher flicks doused with a generous dollop of dark humor and enough glorious FX to sate the most depraved of penchants I’m pleased to state that this brings to the table more crimson goodies than any “Friday the 13th” flick and an overall viewing experience I would somewhat liken to (one of Cults favorites) “Dead Alive”.

“Wrong Turn 2” is frenetic, unflinching, graphic, splattered with antagonists which appear immortal (though most certainly don’t live like it) and dotted with characters one wants to root for. The effects are abundant, grisly and executed with attention to detail (that explosion. Wow!) The directing is top notch, again huge props to the mind behind one of the sickest segments within “Chillerama”, and there’s seriously not a complaint here. Boobs, blood, guts, an inbred fellow who looks like he was plucked from a John Hughes film, tons of pitch humor and a final scene which puts Tobe Hoopers “The Mangler” to shame. This is my kind of film. Did I mention Henry Rollins is in this? I did, well shit I’ll say it again, cus’ he deserves another mention. Go get em’ Rambo (whoops!)
Do whatever you have to be able to set the eyes upon this. I much prefer this over any of the “Friday the 13th” films. Don’t @ me, I don’t care. I don’t have any allegiances, I like whatever puts a stoopid grin on my face. And now I’ve said my part. I’m out!
Shit. I Nearly forgot, Cult likes ‘ratings’ now. If it needs one, fuk, I guess a 9.5 will suffice.

Here’s hoping I get the chance to lay words on the others in the franchise. If they’re anything like this I’m happy to oblige. Naturally I’ve plucked the wrong image from the internet to show the others in the series. This one shows the regular (British) versions, I’ll be diving into the uncut versions whenever I can find them, and the time, and access to Cult’s keyboard in order that I can diarrhea my thoughts all lover his site. Until then.

B