Posts Tagged ‘creative writing’

Scorching the Retinas – Zombieland 2; Double-Tap

Zombieland 2; Double Tap
Writer – Rhett Reese, Paul Wernick, Dave Callaham.
Director – Rubin Fleischer
Runtime – 99 minutes

Zombieland_Double_Tap_teaser_poster

Well, Cult has gone and done it again. That is, he’s done nothing! He’s really quite unable to. Poor bastid. In between his job, the crazy business of the current situation, and looking after his frenetic toddler he’s barely enough time to make use of his RedTube subscription. Those hands must be twitching!

As if you haven’t noticed this is another zombie film review and it doesn’t take but a few seconds and a creative spin on the lady holding the torch in the (Columbia Pictures) credits to realize the same. (Another zombie film, yet another zombie film) However, this seems different than most. I’m “primed”, and in record time.

(trailer courtesy of Sony Pictures Entertainment)

Much like the first installment, in this series, the narrative plays an important part; “rules” are still important (but are they really? With rules comes complacency and boredom which more often than not leads to chaos). Types of zombies are given monikers; humor is prevalent and crimson is thankfully tossed around more liberally than ‘buzz words’ in a college debate.

(ZKotY courtesy of Fandango Movieclips)

Our old heroes, each named after a memorable city (in some instances a State), are back at it. But some are getting fed up and decide it’s high time to spice things up even though they’ve just spent a great deal of time trashing 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue (aka The White House). The collective split into two factions and go their own merry ways. Enter an (hypothetical) esteemed trophy and the humor quotient of the film rockets into the stratosphere.  “Zombie Kill of the Week” (or even the Year) is awarded to the most inventive survivors with a thirst for that which spikes the adrenaline and ultimately keeps them alive; slaughtering the undead but in the most ingenious of ways.

zombieland 2 madison

It’s where strangers give other strangers a ride, but it’s not a Taxi service.

The film progresses. One-liners fly as often as disembodied limbs and the cast of characters (ones with a pulse) builds. “Shut the fuck up. I know what you’re about to say…she’s dating a musician.” Tensions soon become flared and opinions whiz around much like projectiles shot by drunken teenagers in a firing range. There’s even a business proposition tossed around which would make the flawed Taxi industry sit up and take note.

zombieland 2 I don't like you at all

Add in a few references to “The Brave Little Toaster” and a landmark book by Steinbeck with “Mice” and “Men” in the title and the movie keeps entertaining. But it gets better, our heroes meet their doppelgangers, come to the conclusion they are indeed annoying pricks and again are left to ponder what’s left to discover on the open road, decide it’s worth a shot and move on (drop that John Denver track here DJ).

Tallahasse Zombieland 2

Just what’s in it for me?

Include a monster truck, a Valleygirl who is rather easy to look upon, lifelong dreams of visiting Graceland, a Peace commune and the rest, as they say, is history. But let’s not forget the amazing FX (this movie has a budget), kills aplenty, Woody Harrelson and a zombie upgrade (these bastids don’t fuck around!)

I can only hope the current Covid situation doesn’t transform this planet into much the same predicament. As I for one will go back underground, wa-ay underground in fact and take my chances with quite possibly the worst boss ever (the horned bastid himself and his many minions who are most probably going to notice the undocumented time I’ve taken away from my post) and the ‘tide of stinky green’ often referred to as the amassed Goblin hordes.  Let’s face it, odds are Mr. Woody Harrelson isn’t about to leave his compound to save the world. And why would he want to? Seriously?

And that’s about it. It’s been brief for which I have many a factor to blame but most notably my penchant for gnawing on those delicious four-legged creatures known as cats.

zombieland 2 emma stone

Badass of the Zombie wastes

But in all seriousness the taste is worth all the time it takes to clean the fur from between the teeth. But back to the movie, as I’m sure Cult would wish me to come to some sort of a conclusion. By all means, check it out. It has more zombies than you can shake a stick at (literally) and Emma Stone. Did I mention this has Emma Stone  in it? (Yumm). Woody Harrelson is obviously another great reason to give this peek, but it isn’t just that. The movie has a great flow, is entertaining throughout, be it through humor or abundant grisliness and all of the characters (the main original characters) are the kind one would find it easy to root for. To too it off, for all those old school thrash fans out there it also features a Metallica classic. There’s admittedly little to complain about. Give this a spin!

B

zombieland bill murray

Zom…b…laaannnndddd!

Whoops. Nearly forgot. Stick around for the credits to hear Bill Murrays reasonings as to why he tackled a third “Garfield” (he’s a tubby little thing, I wonder what he’d taste like?) film.

Who doesn’t hate Monday’s?

Scorching the Retinas – Tackling the Wrong Turn Franchise

Wrong Turn 2: Dead End (2007)
wrong turn 2 cover art
Writers – Turi Meyer, Alfredo Septien, Alan B McElroy
Director – Joe Lynch
Runtime – 97 minutes
20th Century Fox, Summit Entertainment, Constantin Film Production

Sure, why not start in the middle rather than at the beginning? Well, I did and here I am. Cult is away again, probably sleeping already. He’s on vacation and he’s stuck with his young un’ at home, and let me tell you, she’s a spirited one. If she ain’t singing “Let it Go” or “Into the Unknown” she’s storming around like a Princess, with an attitude to fit. But getting back on track; I’ve got the reins now with snippets of that Slayer Comp still ragin’ through my ears.
So what say we get started.

(trailer courtesy of Movie Clips Classic Trailers)

“Wrong Turn 2” was made back in 2007 and it doesn’t take long to realize this. Cell phones are flip things, and earpieces are akin to those unsightly slabs of metal worn on “Star Trek” (the early series with good old Shat not the newer ones).

wrong turn 2 opening kill

Breast or Thigh? …It doesn’t matter!

Anyhows,  this chick, in the opening scene, is belligerent, screaming at her agent about one thing or another then she plows this poor chap down.  and wouldn’t you know it the poor bugga’ scratched up her Stang. Now rather than being somewhat pissed, who wouldn’t he scratched up the Stang’, she’s unsure, hysterical. However, this doesn’t last long. Some logger type looking chap makes his way outta the woods and cuts her in Twain. Downwards (“Terrifier” style), not across and this movie is off to a great start with perhaps one of the finest kill scenes to open up a movie ever. And my popcorn has suddenly found itself with extra butter (or a liquid which looks strangely close).

Wrong turn 2 Henry Rollins

End scene. Enter Mr. Black Flag, Henry (motherfkn’) Rollins, and an introduction to a reality game show of sorts with six contestants (five now, or seven. All depending on how one looks at it) and a theme centered around the Apocalypse (at this point we should all be taking notes and making time to rewatch the “Mad Max” franchise). Naturally, all of the contestants are young, nubile, hot to trot and bursting with enthusiasm.
A quick look behind the scenes shows the competition heating up and a producer wearing a “Battle Royal” shirt which is rather fitting (if you haven’t seen it, drop whatcha’ doing and prepare to forget Hollywood’s take on it; which is often referred to as “The Hunger Games” franchise).

wrong turn 2 i wanna play

Peek a boo!

The games begin, the rules are explained and it’s clear from the get-go who’s present for the money and who for the prestige of competing. Mr. Rollins does a great job of emulating the drill Sergeant from “The Frighteners” and “Full Metal Jacket” (R. Lee Ermey) and there’s another stand out scene in the books. But it ain’t all fun and games. There’s something uninvited in the woods which wants to join in but with rules of it’s own choosing.

“Holy shit, the whole family’s deformed” about describes the way the remainder of the movie goes. Powered by “The Hills Have Eyes” and general Slasher movie mayhem on bathsalts the kills come fast and furious, unflinching, just like Daddy likes them and uncompromising to boot. Seriously folks, this has more guts in its first half than most reputable Cult Cannibal flicks and a shotgun which would put many cannons to shame.

wrong turn 2 Boom

BOOM!

The pace here is remarkable, fluid and feverish throughout, enough to spike anyone’s adrenaline and the characters varied enough to bring forth opinions ranging from instant I don’t care if you perish hatred to I wish you’re the one who survives to repopulate the world adoration. The acting isn’t horrid enough to deter from the story, which is somewhat minimal, but it matters not when the screen is drenched in this much grue.
The finale looms, there’s enough blood and body parts scattered to give Dahmer a boner and the cast is significantly smaller in size, but more widespread,(that’s a pun), than when the movie commenced. But the action remains slick and sticky (nope, this isn’t another filling every available orifice extravaganza flick) two teams face off and…
Well that’s where I’m going to leave my blow-by-blow (enough of the double entendres already) commentary.

wrong turn 2 lunch

This is strange. I can see my spleen.

To cut this short, for it’s about my bedtime, Joe Lynch has far surpassed himself here. A homage to a wide swath of slasher flicks doused with a generous dollop of dark humor and enough glorious FX to sate the most depraved of penchants I’m pleased to state that this brings to the table more crimson goodies than any “Friday the 13th” flick and an overall viewing experience I would somewhat liken to (one of Cults favorites) “Dead Alive”.

chillerama

“Wrong Turn 2” is frenetic, unflinching, graphic, splattered with antagonists which appear immortal (though most certainly don’t live like it) and dotted with characters one wants to root for. The effects are abundant, grisly and executed with attention to detail (that explosion. Wow!) The directing is top notch, again huge props to the mind behind one of the sickest segments within “Chillerama”, and there’s seriously not a complaint here. Boobs, blood, guts, an inbred fellow who looks like he was plucked from a John Hughes film, tons of pitch humor and a final scene which puts Tobe Hoopers “The Mangler” to shame. This is my kind of film. Did I mention Henry Rollins is in this? I did, well shit I’ll say it again, cus’ he deserves another mention. Go get em’ Rambo (whoops!)
Do whatever you have to be able to set the eyes upon this. I much prefer this over any of the “Friday the 13th” films. Don’t @ me, I don’t care. I don’t have any allegiances, I like whatever puts a stoopid grin on my face. And now I’ve said my part. I’m out!
Shit. I Nearly forgot, Cult likes ‘ratings’ now. If it needs one, fuk, I guess a 9.5 will suffice.

The wrong turn collection

Here’s hoping I get the chance to lay words on the others in the franchise. If they’re anything like this I’m happy to oblige. Naturally I’ve plucked the wrong image from the internet to show the others in the series. This one shows the regular (British) versions, I’ll be diving into the uncut versions whenever I can find them, and the time, and access to Cult’s keyboard in order that I can diarrhea my thoughts all lover his site. Until then.

Attack of the Compilation – Fckn’ Slayer!

a tribute to Slayer Antichrist mag
Antichrist Magazine and Ground Sounds Promotion presents A Tribute to Slayer

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YCBierffU-4

Well, Well. Cult has apparently left his laptop open again. But this time rather than setting eyes upon all manner of naked flesh writhing in ecstasy the main screen displays a Bandcamp address with the words “Slayer” front and center. Suffice to say I can’t ignore such a sight. Apparently, he’s been struggling getting this off the ground. Family, work and assorted other things are warranting his attention at present. In actuality he struggles with a bunch of things. But that’s another story. And my penchant for chasing four-legged delicacies will have to wait. So, what is it exactly that we have here? In short; Twenty -six bands from around the world giving their audio tribute to tracks which have undoubtably formed the extreme world of audio as we know it today. Fair enough. I’m curious. What say we dive in?

Slayer-Original-Logo

Expect to see this word more than a few times in the near future

What grabs the attention first is the fact that there are twenty-six acts (and tracks) on offer here. That’s huge and so is this. This runs close to a whopping two hours in length. If it weren’t for the fact that Slayer is what’s on offer here, and there’s somewhat of a supposed Pandeamonic (yea, I know I spelt it wrong but it sounds infinitely better this way) spreading across the globe I‘d say sod this and go back to the mischievous activities I so love to take part in. But fck it, I’m curious and always up for a bit of Slayer. Perusing the track listing (which again “is huge”. Imagine a nubile youth saying that on her knees. Sorry, I got distracted) it appears that the material on offer is somewhat in chronological order, that is to say in the same order as the originals were released (I could be mistaken so don’t quote me). But enough of such details I’m imagining you’re as curious as I to get this thing started. However, Before I impart my thoughts, I’d like to drop the track listing along with the countries each act is from (this is truly a global affair much like the current Black Plague sweeping its way past Kanye West in Google searches. Notice how the majority of the acts are relatively unknown (is this just me? Do I have to swat up on my knowledge of the scene some before I continue?) With this in mind I’m considering this an ‘underground compilation’ a fact which only makes me more curious still.

tankist logo

1 – Tankist (Estonia) Evil Has no Boundaries

2 – Aeons Abyss (Australia) Die by the Sword

3 – Hateful Agony (Germany) Black Magic

4 – Serpents Kiss (United Kingdom) Tormentor

5 – Lone Hunter (Brazil) Crionics

Intrepid logo

6 – Intrepid (Estonia) Chemical Warfare

7 – Myrholt – (Norway) Kill Again

8 – Hamvak (Germany) At Dawn They Sleep

9 – Beltane (New Zealand) Angel of Death

10 – EigenstateZero (Sweden) Piece by Piece

11 – Grand Demise of Civilization (USA) Raining Blood

12 – Mindwars (International) Criminally Insane

Frijgard

13 – Frijgard (Switzerland) South of Heaven

14 – Unto the Wolves (USA) Silent Scream

15 – Hellming (Brazil) Mandatory Suicide

16 – Day 40 (United Kingdom) Ghosts of War

17 – Zvijer (Bosnia and Herzegovina) Cleanse the Soul

18 – SavageZ (Brazil) War Ensemble

19 – Macabre Decay (Sweden) Expendable Youth

20 – Hicsos (Brazil) Dead Skin Mask

Imminent Reaper

21 – Imminent Reaper (Mexico) Skeletons of Society

22 – Killrape (Brazil) Born of Fire

23 – Injector (Spain) Dittohead

24 – Domination Inc. (Greece) Disciple

25 – Jumpscare (Italy) Bloodline

26 – Outis (Ireland) Jihad

(Damn, it’s a long list, my digits are tired!)

Hitting play, it’s easy to decipher that each act has their own spin on the track they’ve chosen to ‘tackle’, some more so and often times even a little experimental in tone than others. Styles are diverse and range across the metal spectrum obviously Black, Death and Thrash take the lead (is this even a race?) whilst Power, Epic, Symphonic, Atmospheric and Speed are tossed in to show the transition in another genre (sometimes using a few in one track) can actually be pulled off to good effect. And boy can it, in some instances I’m literally bouncing off the walls with excitement. As is customary in times like these I have a ratings system designed for such this purpose (note that it’s a tad spicier than Cult’s attempt at the same);

confued Orc

Abysmal.

Not in the good way. Toss this in the ocean and punch the nearest passerby to let out the frustration of spending money on schiite such as this. Jesus might like this. But I still believe it has the potential to do naught but line the birds cage. Jesus loves everything, which in my opinion is rather silly. Jesus you’re a prat!

Hrrrrrhhhhh-!

Better, this shows potential. Much like, I’d imagine, your mother on a first date. But it still leaves me wanting. And she needs more training; those French fries weren’t free dammit!

The Goblin are going crazy!

Admittedly the annoying green bastid’ like most things and get excited at the drop of a turd but occasionally they have a suggestion which turns heads. And if the whole collective, much like an obnoxious stench-ridden green tide, agrees there must be something worth giving, at least, a cursory glance towards.

Time for a Crimson Splattered Moshpit!

Now this is worth sharing, break out the goblets, the fiery liquid, the unwilling, let’s break some limbs and party till the Dark Lord yells at us to get back to work!

All Mine!

I’m a selfish bastid’. And this is too fkn’ good to share. It’s all mine. Just try to take it!!

Slayer - Show No Mercy

Where it all began

To sate the curious types, those who have zero patience, I’d give this a “Time for a Crimson Splattered Moshpit“ rating. This collection shines with blistering pace, boils over with talent and offers a myriad of alternate visions of tracks which should already be ingrained upon the senses for those willing to open the mind. But for those who have yet to set ears upon the almighty Slayer (I can’t for the life of me wonder why this is the case) I seriously have no words. Before you continue please set your ears upon the classics, then if you wish to return please do so in order to discover a slew of acts with a great deal of passion on offer. Within such a compilation such as this they are naturally a number of tracks and acts (and styles) which garnered my attention to a dangerous degree, there are some which I could do without (but taking into account differing tastes… Nope not doing it! I’m not pandering to the easily offended, fuck this. This is my article and I won’t apologize for my preferences) and others which had such an effect on me that makes me wish I could bottle their very essence. Without further preamble and in order of appearance (as sometimes I’m OCD like that!)…

here are a few which especially perked my interests
tankist
Tankist – Evil Has no Boundaries

https://tankist.bandcamp.com/

A fantastic start. Raw, blunt and thrashy. Slayer I believe would approve! This is Just what one needs to get into the mood. Surprisingly good production aids this in spiking the adrenaline levels.

Aeons Abyss – Die by the Sword

https://aeonsabyss.bandcamp.com/

This track lends an early brutal edge to this compilation. Although the sound is a tad off (turn this track up for full effect) this still manages to deliver. Rasping vocals accompany a sludgy blackened feel bursting with subterranean groove elements. Heavy drums accentuate the allure of this one although it might take a few listens to fully appreciate.

EigenstateZero

EigenstateZero – Piece by Piece

https://eigenstatezero.com/

This is one of those experimental tracks of which I was talking. A tad industrial, a little progressive and a whole lot different but it all somehow comes together and works. There’s enough atmosphere in here to make a fanatic of the fantasy realm sit up and take note. Buried in the mix it takes a little while to decipher but it there’s and adds another layer to a track which is beyond intriguing. Did I mention this was silly fast? Nope. Well it is. An odd track for sure with its fair fare of unique brutal but it grows on you like the most lovable of enigmatic fungi.

Grand Demise of Civilization- Raining Blood

https://granddemiseofcivilization.bandcamp.com/

A fantastic twist on a true classic. Adding significant Gothic elements, pitch darkness and varied tempo transformations works wonders. There’s just enough uniqueness here for it to become memorable though not an abundance as to make the track far from instantly recognizable as homage. The maniacal elements are top notch as well the atmospheric into and outro.

mindwars

Mindwars – Criminally Insane

https://dissonanceproductions.bandcamp.com/album/do-unto-others

It’s hard to ignore this track. It isn’t far off the tone and feel of the original but with the added emphasis on the drums and a tad more oomph in the percussion its infectious to dangerous levels. I’m keeping an eye out for these guys in the future.

Day 40 – Ghosts of War

https://www.facebook.com/dayforty/

This is an excellent rendition of admittedly one of my fave Slayer tracks. An intriguing introduction, very Thrash metal circa late 80’s, leads into heavily accented vocals, head nodding Thrash with hints of Hardcore. Nuff said but simply put this is a banger!

zvijer

Zvijer – Cleanse the Soul

https://zvijer.bandcamp.com/

Blistering, precise and often raw with a gravelly vocal approach which fits perfectly. This track seethes with a remarkable quality and gets to the point quick.

Savagez – War Ensemble

https://savagez.bandcamp.com/releases

I’m a sucker for feral female vox (it appears Cult is too, which explains his recent obsession with Asarhaddon). Although this track takes liberties with the original’s arrangement, and wavers from brutal Thrash to more a more relaxed tone, it still manages to hit the spot. Admittedly not on its first try but it gets closer each time it’s played.

Imminent Reaper – Skeletons of Society

https://www.facebook.com/ImminentReaperGDL/

Another heavily accented Thrash attack. Not sure what it is about accents, they often add another level of viciousness to the accompanied percussion, in this case that’s the case (did I say “case” enough here?) There’s a little more passion here than in the original but it works. Another great addition to a collection which is fast becoming damn impressive!

Domination Inc.

Domination Inc. – Disciple

https://dominationinc.bandcamp.com/

I’m not sure what it is about this track. At first it didn’t do a damn thing for me. Somehow that changed. This isn’t traditional Thrash, this isn’t traditional Hardcore, it isn’t truly Crossover but a mix of all three topped off with East Coast angst (which is strange as this isn’t from New York, rather Greece better known for its Black and Thrash).

And the following are those which had me twitching spastically, like one possessed.
Intrepid – Chemical Warfare

https://intrepidest.bandcamp.com/

Old school groove, old school brutality, growls of the variety to entice a smirk to alight across the chops and a production tone to match. Clear the floor, if this doesn’t make you want to bounce from one wall to the next there’s something certainly amiss. I could play this all day and not get bored of it, reminds me of the good ole days I used to attend concerts in dank cavernous dive bars.

Myrholt

Myrholt – Kill Again

https://www.facebook.com/olealexandermyrholt/

Vocals with venomous spite, an archaic rawness, but also effective atmosphere tossed in to mess with how one might assume this will play out. The aura fits, what more can I say this has me nodding my head and thinking of all manner of glorious diabolical acts.

Hamvak – At Dawn They Sleep

https://hamvak.bandcamp.com/releases

This has a Speckmann/Master vibe thing going for it. A primitive nature combined with a thick dirge quality which is highly effective. Huge bass adds a tribal feel of sorts and it works!

Beltane

Beltane – Angel of Death

https://beltane.bandcamp.com/

What can I say about this track? It’s another example of if it wasn’t executed to a certain degree, I would have tossed this whole comp no matter the remainder of the quality on offer admittedly. Seriously, Slayer’s most infamous track. It has to be treated with respect and given justice. In this case. Fuck! Be prepared. The percussion is tight, on point. The tracks maniacal nature is added to with a wicked somewhat psychedelic twist. But it’s the vocals which tear the flesh from the bone. Feral female vox are my weakness (I’ve said that before) but this is ridiculous! It’s as if the owner of the throat in this instance is possessed. Like openly urinating whilst explaining the virtues of good parenting at church type behavior. I’m adding seeing a rendition of this in a live setting to my bucket list. Who am I kidding, making it to the land of Peter Jackson (New Zealand) is high up there too. One day, one day. I only wonder if they’d mind if I took along a four-legged friend as a travelling companion?  I hate peanuts and pretzels only make me wish I had mustard.

Frijgard – South of Heaven

https://frijgard.bandcamp.com/

There’s a strangeness to this track. Much like the original it has an undeniable sinister tone, though in this case the percussion has an added eeriness and the vocals an edge as if a Viking is in cahoots with a band tinkering with Post properties. This is a little different and I’m of the belief this is a controversial take but I’m loving the shit outta it. It could well perhaps be my choice for the ‘pallet cleanser’ of this collection.

untothewolves

Unto the Wolves – Silent Scream

https://www.facebook.com/untothewolves/

Define industrial vibes on display here. Machine gun riffs coupled with inhumanely tight drums. But it has a wickedness which is hard to pinpoint and I’m liking the chaos which abruptly breaks the precise nature. Turn this up and introduce the neighbors to the pleasures of Slayer!

Killrape – Born of Fire

https://www.facebook.com/killrapeband/

Raw and blistering. This is straight for the jugular, no nonsense, Thrash with production values which add to its malicious intent. Need I say more? Nope, this is a winner, crank it!

injector

Injector – Dittohead

https://injector.bandcamp.com/

I’m incredibly thankful that someone did this track justice. Admittedly, it’s a riot starter and I would’ve left pissed if it was included and not up to standards. Thankfully it is and it appears I have to complain elsewhere. Kudos Injector for pulling this off!

And this is cut and pasted from the article which accompanies the audio on YouTube, it seems appropriate.

Prepared and released by Antichrist magazine.

Follow SLAYER: https://www.facebook.com/slayer/

Follow Nuclear Blast: https://www.facebook.com/nuclearblast

Follow Grand Sounds PR: https://www.facebook.com/grandsounds/

Follow Brave Words: https://www.facebook.com/bravewords/

Subscribe to Antichrist magazine for latest updates: http://bit.ly/2hNi0gr

Visit our magazine: http://antichristmagazine.com

Visit us on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/antichristmag/

Visit us on Twitter: https://twitter.com/Antichristmag

Antichrist mag tribute to Slayer

And that’s it. This is a fantastic slab of worship which demands ears upon it (though I can’t say I’m not disappointed that “Necrophiliac” wasn’t covered). Perhaps one day this collection will appear on Bandcamp? Until then flood the YouTube channel in which it appears and be sure to thank the minds and talent behind it.

Support the artists, support the genre and hell, why not support me? I’m always up for spending money on crap.

Your loyal misshapen acolyte of most things extreme,

B

Abrasive Audio – Attack of the Compilation

Attack of the Compilation – Extreme Metal Attack XVII

exterem metal fest #2

Well, here I am again. It’s been a while. Admittedly I’ve been busy spreading chaos, strife and depravity across that which many call “The Heartlands”. But seriously, I’m having a grand ole time there’s no shortage of four-legged furry things to curb my appetite and the attitudes and people in this area put most Wal-mart parody websites to shame. My adventures have not been without strife however. The weather can put a damper on many things though from what I’ve heard this winter has been comparatively mild compared to ones before. But it doesn’t matter, there’s snow and I’m not used to the stuff. Seriously what the fuck is it anyway? And why does it have to impede upon all my fun? On the bright side there’s plenty to see following its aftermath. Comical scenes including sportscars and spinning wheels. Multi vehicle Pileups on that which most drive across at insane speeds. Highways, Interstates I’m confused. I’ll avoid traversing them at all costs. Though they do provide quite the entertainment.

syncronized headbangin

Not quite what my former duties entailed but I wish they would in the future

Now, where was I? Cult’s house, yes, I’m here! And surprise, surprise, his email is delivering quite the feast for the eyes and ears. Tons of promos to sift through. I’d say this fellow is drowning in promotional materials, but what do I know I’m merely a former denizen of the Underworld enjoying a prolonged vacation until the ether opens up and I’m yanked back to my former duties.

 

Now this, this is interesting indeed, and brings back a few memories of when my mishapen digits alighted upon Cults keyboard for the first time (actually the first time was when I pondered upon a single by Bewitcher. But who’s being counting?) What say we take another audio foray into a compilation which promotes yet another Extreme Metal Fest taking part in Portugal? This isn’t a question, and I don’t wish for your opinion. For I’m taking the plunge…

Extreme Metal Attack XVII

https://helldprod.bandcamp.com/album/extreme-metal-attack-xvii-2020

HelldProd Records

March/20/2020

etreme metalfest die hard pack

(The event itself is scheduled for March 20/21 (2020) in Metalpoint Porto and promises a grand time for all those wishing to bathe themselves in a festival atmosphere with like-minded individuals driven by the glory of underground metal)

And for those wishing to know the bands involved in both the fest and this compilation I’m happy to oblige (and they’re actually in order of appearance on the tape, for nothing screams Kvlt like a cassette, for those interested)

Ungod – Down to Tartaros

Alcoholocaut – Speed Metal Tornado

Supremative – Omnipresent Morbid Excitement

Rapture – Thriving on Atrocity

Fabulous Desaster – Faster Than Light

Deathwomb – Moonless Night Sacraments

Aggressive Perfector – Turbo-Evil

Vectis – No Mercy for the Weak

Necro Chaos – Infernal Flood

Now if this promises to be anything like the last ‘Extreme Fest’ outing the fleshy audio catchers are in for an old school party drenched in darkness, speed and evil.

Naturally I’ve devised a ratings system, which has a tad more flavor than that which Cult employs, for this very purpose (why do I sound like the bloke from Taken?) and here it is in all of its depraved glory;

confued Orc

Wait. I’m still confused

Abysmal.

Not in the good way. Toss this in the ocean and punch the nearest passerby to let out the frustration of spending money on schiite such as this. Jesus might like this. But I still believe it has the potential to do naught but line the birds cage. Jesus loves everything, which in my opinion is rather silly. Jesus you’re a prat!

Hrrrrrhhhhh-!

Better, this shows potential. Much like, I’d imagine, your mother on a first date. But it still leaves me wanting. And she needs more training; those French fries weren’t free dammit!

The Goblin are going crazy!

Admittedly the annoying green bastid’ like most things and get excited at the drop of a turd but occasionally they have a suggestion which turns heads. And if the whole collective, much like an obnoxious stench-ridden green tide, agrees there must be something worth giving, at least, a cursory glance towards.

Time for a Crimson Splattered Moshpit!

Now this is worth sharing, break out the goblets, the fiery liquid, the unwilling, let’s break some limbs and party till the Dark Lord yells at us to get back to work!

All Mine!

I’m a selfish bastid’. And this is too fkn’ good to share, it’s all mine. Just try to take it!!

Well there it is and I still have the compilation playing betwix my mishappen ears as I’m typing this (correcting a varied assortment of typos as I go) so it seriously can’t be all that bad. Unlike last year’s compilation this provides more a smorgasbord (I like this word I’ll have to use it more often!) of styles. Ranging from old school bleak cavernous drenched in evil black metal to more a heavy metal approach with “singy” vocals (as if plucked from the eighties) and a plethora of speed laden head bangin’ tracks between. There’s honesty plenty here to delight. However, I have my favorites and I’d like to bore whoever is still reading this with the tracks which left an impression. But before that and to sate those who are ravenous, eagerly yearning, salivating in fact for my conclusion, for my rating… I’ll gladly stamp this with a “Time for a Crimson Splattered Moshpit”. Onward, in no particular order) to that which left my earholes dripping in excitable liquids (just me?)

necro chaos

Necro Chaos – Infernal Flood

First off, great name. This track recalls old school melody-laden death (older Obituary and a slew of others Cult is probably more familiar with than I). Peppered with twin styled vocals, head bobbin’ evil rhythms and a strange sounding bass (?) it is certainly familiar, but different and serves as a fantastic finale to this compilation (see, I said this wasn’t in order).

Rapture – Thriving on Atrocity

Speaking of familiarity this is another track which puts me in mind of an artist whose name frustratingly escapes me. Driving thrash/death riffs and a vocal style/cadence which garners instant appreciation with added sinister elements. Admittedly it’s difficult not to ponder upon other artists in the collection when listening to this, with that in mind however this seethes with an aura of freshness, a touch of homage (think I’ve said that before now) and a style which will leave the listener wanting more.

deathwomb demo

Deathwomb – Moonless Night Sacrament

Bleak, raw and dripping in atmosphere this is black metal with a touch of melody. And there’s also backwards messages in its finale to leave fans of vintage Judas Priest salivating (that was a joke for all those taking notes). Bleak production values and throaty vocals add to this tracks appeal, but it probably isn’t for everyone, a fact I couldn’t care less about as I quite like it!

Aggressive Perfector – Turbo-Evil

I believe Cult has covered an album by these guys in the past but I’ve yet to lay ears upon their output, until now. Think heavy metal with speed metal tendencies ad to the concoction dramatic vocals and an aura which screams vintage cult horror and you might be close. But I could be continents off, best just to discover the band for yourself and make your own conclusions. This is a tad different. It grows on you much like a Goblin baby its damn ugly at first but somehow perks your mothering instinct (wait what!?) That’s not at all what I meant. Moving on…

Now, onto a few tracks which left me in exhausted disarray and Cults house in a sorry state indeed.

vectis

Vectis – No Mercy for the Weak

I must be getting old! This bears only slight smidgens of a black nature but boy does it make me wanna’ move. The rhythms here are dangerously infectious it might in fact make your torso move of its own accord (hide the fragile things lest they multiply into worthless shards). A wicked mix of thrash and black with awesome (did I just say that word? what am I a surfer now?) riffs which cannot be ignored, a tad repetitive in its lyrics but who cares this leaves a dent, and it has I’m hurting, the contact with that wall was hard!

Fabulous Desaster – Faster Than Light

To be Frank (why do I have to be ‘Frank’? Can’t I be ‘Steve’?) I’m not an Exodus fan. Sure there’s a few tracks which grab my attention but I can’t say that any full album of theirs have ever warranted purchase or even pilfering. With that in mind however their newer material is more to my liking. Strangely this sees me recalling their older output, and it’s hard not to as both the rhythms and vocals match perfectly that which most long-time Exodus fans have come to adore about the band (shit, their moniker is the same as one of the bands albums). Odd then that I’m liking this as much as I am. Its “Toxic Waltz” but different and I’m all over it! Just try not to move to this!

alcoholocaust

Alcoholocaust – Speed Metal Tornado

Yet another act Cult has covered, and there’s little argument as to why that might have been the case. This is blistering fast and the vocals wicked in tone although I believe all but a few words are in Brazilian/Portuguese it matters not. This “rips” and my neck hurts! This could well be an anthem for both the act and the Portuguese metal scene, it has that kind of undeniable vibe about it.

And that brings this to its conclusion. Weird that I’ve been drawn more towards the speed rather than the darkness within this release but there you have it. It’s been fun folks, but I’m hungry and there’s a sassy looking feline sneaking its way across the neighbor’s fence line with a smirk on her face (yes, I can tell such things even from this distance) as if to say “You can’t catch me”. Can I say that I am salivating? I’m certainly up for the challenge. Now where’s my fur removing tool?

B  

helldprod logo

Whoops – nearly forgot. Tickets can be purchased for this event at https://helldprod.com/shop/index.php?id_category=23&controller=category and range from a single day ticket to a packages including a shirt and the tape I have just spat a few words upon.

 

 

 

 

An Unused Introduction (Part the Second)

burrows and Badgers a skirmish game manual

For all those paying attention this is the second of its kind, an introduction to a review article which both the editor of SixintheHeadZine (be warned; I’ll probably mention this a few more times in this article) and myself chose not to use. In this instance the review was for a game entitled Burrows and Badgers; whose concept at the very slightest might make one look at denizens of the animal kingdom from a slightly different angle. Are there such things as Fox Ninjas, Mole Clerics or Canine treasure hunters? And, if such were indeed the case, should we be worried that our civilization is at risk of conquest? Questions, queries and a great deal to ponder upon. However, it’s probably best to not wallow on such things, try instead clearing the mind, might I suggest a few moments in which to relax. Perhaps pour yourself a drink, delight in other pleasures of the flesh. Better yet you could ruin a few seconds by running your peepers across that which I was about to promote before I got distracted. May I present “Another Unused SixintheHeadZine Introduction” dedicated to Badgers and Burrows, a game you should probably wrap your mind and digits across at the next given opportunity.

As promised; Burrows and Badgers; an unused introduction

BandB unsued Intro digging a hole gif

“So, who do you wish to be? There’s plenty of wicked looking rodents and such to choose from”.

“Skaven?”

“Nope, that’s Warhammer, Steve. This is a different game entirely.”

“Ah, gotcha.”

“But where’s Mr. Toad? And why does Rat have a flamethrower?”

“I was wondering the same thing. Wait, what?”

“Guys. Do you hear that?”

“Look out the window.”

A myriad of tied shoes, a plethora of excited fanciful, uttered assumptions, a handful of curses, an opened door and a few moments later.

“Umm…Gerald. what is it exactly that you’re doing?”

Bandb unused intro mole gif #2

“Oh. Hi, guys. You see theses bastards are vicious we need to take precautions else they slit your throats while you sleep, steal our daughters and begin their quest for global domination.”

“Huh?!”

“You see this one… (points to a mouse in a cage surrounded by strips of bloodied cloth) …was especially rambunctious. Which reminds me, I’ll probably need to update my tetanus shot”.

“But Gerald, we’re using dice and miniatures. Not real animals.”

“Well perhaps I should…”

“Yep. Get your foot offa’ Fido’s tail and remove your bike from atop Lucifer.”

Me-ow!

“And please make sure you fill in all those holes.

“OK. But these bastards are everywhere.”

“GERALD…it’s a game!”

“I guess. Dammit, I was beginning to enjoy this too. I’ll see you guys at work then.”

“Bye Gerald. And take that shovel and damn flag with you!”

BandB miniatures

“Vicious buggers!”

For more information on Burrows and Badgers you can read my non-gamers review (of it) within the pages of Sixintheheadzine issue 2. Or alternatively, if you prefer a non-humor-based standpoint you can explore more by visiting here https://burrowsandbadgers.com/

You can order here https://ospreypublishing.com/burrows-badgers

Or marvel upon all the news regarding new and original figures here https://www.oathswornminiatures.co.uk/

Bandb miniatures #2

Nope, these aren’t Skaven!

Prepare those dice for some frantic and ferocious furry action (but not that type of “furry action”; get your mind outta the gutter).

Cult

Writing for a new Zine from the Ground up

For those who may not know me, I’m imagining this is probably pretty much everyone reading this, I’m proud to state I have scribbles in various places across the vast landscape of the internet. Obviously, they range from Kindergarten level to the quality of that which you’re laying eyes upon at this very moment (to be honest the caliber hasn’t changed that drastically in years).

sixintheheadzine

In recent years I’ve veered from horrific attempts at vile fiction (a few of which can be seen here in this site) towards a more review -based realm.  I’ve tackled movies of all kinds and a wide variety of music, though I’ve never attempted to ponder upon a tabletop game. That however recently changed when I was asked by Paul (creator of sixintheheadzine) to scribble a few words upon the newest creation from out of Games Workshop stable (is it best I add a copyright sign here, lest I get sued?)

Warhammer Warcry

Warcry is a game whose fundamentals (gameplay, etc) is familiar but whose characters are somewhat fresh originating from a realm that many know but under a different guise. In short, I had fun pondering upon that which I attempted when I was much younger but could never actually get into for one reason or another (I preferred the painting over the gaming). I wrote an initial introduction which was humorous to the point of making me giggle but I honestly don’t know if it fit. It was decided that it, in fact, didn’t. However, seems as I always giggle when I lay eyes upon it, I only thought it prudent to share. Here in its entirety The Warcry introduction (smirking is optional)

pots n pans armour

for the record; this is neither Paul nor this articles author.

“Alright guys. Thanks for coming. I didn’t honestly think anyone would show.”

“Didn’t Gerald say he was coming?”

“He might not, he’s “unconventional” at the best of times. What say we get started?”

*Clang

*Clang

“All fukin’ righty-then. Let’s get this shindig starte-!”

“WHAT. THE. HOLY. FUCK. GERALD!!”

“Are they pots and pans?”

“Fashioned into the finest coat of arms, as you can see. Now where are these beasties which beg for slaughter?”

“Dice. Gerald. Dice. We use goddamn dice! And what the fuck is that? You’re burning a hole in the carpet.”

“It’s my special weapon blessed with an eternal flame of vanquish.”

“NO. It goddamn isn’t! It’s a chair leg with nails through it, with a cloth wrapped around it which is on fire. Your mum is gonna kill you. And you need to get the F- out. Now. Before this whole place burns to the ground.”

“Umm. Ok. I guess I’ll see you all at work then?”

“Get out!”

The entire article along with a slew of other interesting stuff (and a picture of a chicken) can viewed at https://sixintheheadzine.com/

Thanks again to Paul who decided to capitalize upon miserable talent when he saw it.

Cult