head_explosion

Snowflake (aka Schneeflockchen) 2017

(Germany)

Director – Adolf J. Kolmerer

Writer – Arn Remmers

Runtime – 110 minutes

Snowflake Pictures Production

Ventaro Films

Movie Stuff Pictures

Lopta Film

snowflake

Every once in a while, I find myself stumbling across a cinematic affair which is, to be honest, a little different, far from any Hollywood assembly, and that’s worthy of all its cover splattered praise. Then, there’s Snowflake.

I jest.

Snowflake is quite simply a feast for the senses. Broken up into chapters it tells the tale of Javid and Tan, two slacker criminals who are more interested betting on the merits of a kebab and whether it can taste less like it contains “diarrhea sauce” than most anything else.

Set in Berlin “…the burning point of Europe that has fallen into chaos” and based on events in the near future (confused and/or intrigued yet? It’ll make a little more sense later) Snowflake soon finds the pair losing all interest in elephant sized chunk of window meat (huh?) as they find themselves being hunted by a sundry list of nefarious types doing the bidding of Eliana, a recent orphan portrayed brilliantly by Xenia Georgia Assenza (best name ever!).

eliana

I didn’t sign up for this. If this degenerates into Cannibal Holocaust waters I’m shredding my contract

Thus far it reads like a handful of other thrillers, and/or revenge films, but add in a slew of other ingredients, including (but not limited to) a man who believes he is God, a pair of killers who don masks, killer contracts with oft hilarious one-liners, an android lovingly referred to as a ‘shit bot’ and it starts to meander away from the herd to stand apart. Toss in the fact that the whole shebang is rather like a film within a film and the interest level explodes like a rocket with a dangerously short fuse.

I’ll explain while attempting to stray from the tempting borders of spoilerville (should I build a wall?) Shortly after “selecting” their newest ride Javid (Reza Brojerdi) and Tan (Erkan Acar) happen upon a tattered script in its backseats foot well. This isn’t too odd. Is it? After a while the pair start to exchange the collected papers and quizzical glances. The script showcases their events from the night before, word-for-word. Even stranger still it predicts what they will say and do next no matter their actions and attempts in performing the opposite.

“This script would make the most retarded movie ever made!”

snowflake+11

Stop writing already!

Javid and Tan set out to find those responsible (and change the grisly fate that ‘possibly’ awaits them) and soon introduce themselves, in a hilarious scene, to a dentist. Arnd Remmers (as well as being the actual Writer of this film) is a budding writer and is surprised as they as to the tableau’s which are unfolding, more than anything else because he wrote them.

The movie progresses to display wicked dialogue (SUBS and all) often so well timed I was left in stitches, for example an early exchange including the sale of chairs to enable the purchase of canned ravioli, eternal rapings by elephants in hell and another among many more, a little later, displaying the witty one-liner writing talents of a pair of for hire killers (“There’s a gang-bang in hell and your ass is the main entrance”) lines even Arnold- I’ll-be-back- Schwarzenegger would approve of, maybe. But let us not forget a myriad of scenes one won’t soon be able to forget. One showcases an encounter in a dive bar whereupon a surreal Tarantino/comic book-esque shootout occurs, I’d like to add more details though I fear I will ruin the scene. While another shows the benefits of watching your captured prey squirm in discomfort as it hangs upside-down by its ankles.

upside down

Hi there. Apparently we’re just hangin’ around in a random movie review site. Got a problem with that?

Javid and Tan are whisked into one oddball scenario after another as Arnd is seen secreted away, in darkness mired in writers block, furiously caressing his muse into activity for any indication as to how the narrative might unfold, events which oftentimes transpire drenched in awkward/cliched dialogue (enough so to make even Arnd cringe). I’m sure many will be able to relate witnessing Arnd struggle for direction, dialogue and purpose.

Onward the film rolls in a quite unpredictable but nevertheless pleasing manner.

Before I continue, I must mention a single line which I believe stole the film and deserves inclusion in every TCM (Texas Chainsaw Massacre for those not familiar with such abbreviated lingo)  film be it a rehash or the original; “Why are you carrying that chainsaw?” Again, I’ll refrain from meth-addled gymnastic spoiler shenanigans suffice it to say that fate and karma play a part as too do revenge, retribution and justice. Perhaps this film follows somewhat familiar/traditional parameters after all? I’ll leave that for the viewer to decide. There’s no doubt, however, that Snowflake offers that which most films don’t whilst still bearing an unmistakable familiarity and vibe which oozes appeal. Sporting commendable acting, excellent directing, an intriguing story line which meshes together as the film plays out and intriguing dialogue, be it character interaction or otherwise, that’s often-hilarious Snowflake demands attention, especially, if like me you have a soft spot for movies with a delicious dark edge, varied direction, humor and subtitles.

wake up this is damn good

Wait. Wake up. this is actually pretty decent.

Keep an eye out for this one, it arrived out of the blue to knock me onto my sizable derriere.

Here’s a trailer, as if my words aren’t enough

(courtesy of BD Horror Trailers and Clips)

Thanks again to Artsploitation for supporting the scene, enabling its invaluable growth and tossing me screener materials. Without you, cinema would be a vastly less interesting realm.

 

Cult

Comments
  1. […] “Snowflake is quite simply a feast for the senses. I must mention a single line which I believe stole the film and deserves inclusion in every TCM (Texas Chainsaw Massacre for those not familiar with such abbreviated lingo)  film be it a rehash or the original; “Why are you carrying that chainsaw?” Sporting commendable acting, excellent directing, an intriguing story line which meshes together as the film plays out and intriguing dialogue, be it character interaction or otherwise, that’s often-hilarious Snowflake demands attention, especially, if like me you have a soft spot for movies with a delicious dark edge, varied direction, humor and subtitles. Keep an eye out for this one, it arrived out of the blue to knock me onto my sizable derriere.” – CultMetalFlix […]

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